Conversation Cafes   

 Is there a best way to practice new conversational skills, talking and listening and learning while meeting interesting people? Yes, for the cost of a cup of coffee.     

Recently I participated in a Conversation Caf in Alameda, California in the Bay Area. I had known about these events but had not been in a locale that  had any meetings scheduled. While in San Francisco on professional business, I traveled across the Bay Bridge to a coffee house for my first participation, and I was pleased with my experience.     

As we collected ourselves at a table, the host greeted us and announced the topic for the evening, 90 minutes to consider how to Take Back Your Time.  Each of us received a small card with agreements and ground rules for the time together:     

Agreements:     

Acceptance: Suspend judgment as best you can. 
Listening: . . . with respect. 
Curiosity: See to understand rather than persuade. 
Diversity: Invite and honor all points of view. 
Sincerity: Speak what has personal heart and meaning. 
Brevity: Go for honesty and depth but don't go on and on. 

The process:     

Assemble up to 8 people plus host, hearty topic, talking object, and time (60-90 minutes.) Host facilitates.     

Round 1: Pass around the talking object; each person speaks briefly to the topic, no feedback or response.     

Round 2: Again with talking object, each person deepens their own comments or speaks to what has meaning now.     

Dialogue: Open, spirited conversation. Use talking object if there is domination, contention, or lack of focus.     

Final Round: With talking object, each person says briefly what was meaningful to them.     

Our group began with 8 persons plus the host and 2 others joined us after we had begun. The participants were diverse, ranging in age from mid-twenties to mid-seventies and of various ethnicities (2 African Americans, an East Indian,  A Chinese-American, 6 caucasians.) 4 women and 7 men.     

In popcorn style, each person made brief comments as they were moved to contribute. The comments were amazingly pithy and rich, each grounded in personal experience. People shared their struggles with managing their time, and we all appeared to learn from the experiences of the others. Throughout, I experienced an aura of good will and genuine interest as we shared and listened.     

I came away from this caf event with the conviction that high-quality conversation is easily possible when a few guiding agreements and ground rules are followed. Even when personal backgrounds differ widely, even when people are complete strangers, they are able to talk with heart and listen with respect and come away with a deep sense of satisfaction.     

Try a conversation caf. Or start one. You'll like it.