Gourmet Conversation   

 A few weeks ago I dined with old friends at an outstanding buffet of French cuisine offered up by the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas: Delicious entrees from the various regions of France, some, like the crepes, prepared to order from fresh ingredients; a leisurely repast, sharing our lives, among friends, in a hospitable venue. Later, I pondered the question: "How often do we have 'gourmet conversations' made especially for us of fresh ingredients?" Rarely, I thought, based on my experience.   

In our hurry-up world, we are more likely to have pre-packaged 'fast-food' conversations that are predictable and forgettable. Just as it is easier to pick up dinner from Boston Market or KFC, it is also easier to interact by using conversational routines that others can barely taste with their minds and hearts.   

I think of gourmet conversations as those that give pleasure and satisfaction, not merely basic nourishment. Their purpose is not to accomplish a task, but to provide enjoyment. And, to co-create and enjoy a gourmet conversation, at least these 5 factors are required:   

Time: Allowing persons to savor the feast of words and experiences  Place: An ambiance that supports personal talk  Fresh talk-ingredients "in season": New ideas and expressions that delight  Prepared to order: Ideas adapted to one another, of special interest and value  A combination of people who appreciate such enjoyments through talk  How much time? "Enough" to eliminate the rush and establish a sense of leisure. A 45-minute "power lunch" doesn't work well, nor will a brisk hallway chat. Time must be blocked out and given over to the purpose of communing with each other for enjoyment.   

Also needed, a place where people are not only left alone to talk, but are even supported in doing so, as in a restaurant where wait-staff is available but unintrusive. A park-bench can serve nicely, or a living room without TV or clatter. Many other settings will serve the purpose so long as they allow and don't distract from a comfortable state of talk. (The founder of Starbucks says he got his business idea while traveling in Italy and seeing how often friends came together for the pleasure of coffee and talk.)   

Fresh ideas instead of fast-food or warmed-up left-overs. Specific and personal insights, reflections, memories can delight. Newly harvested knowledge, shared with eager listeners, can add special flavors. That is why talkers who are current in their thinking can create a sense of exhilaration, evoking reactions of wonder, as in "I'd never thought of that before."   

Adapted to the listener's interests, background, and understanding. Routine conversation - the convenient norm -- offers a one-size-fits-all experience. Gourmet conversation requires that each feels spoken to personally. The talk must be "you-centered" instead of "me-centered." Such can occur among a group of people as well as between only two, but with greater difficulty.   

The larger the number, the greater the chance that at least one person will serve up a large helping of "See me!" talk. Persons who appreciate talk that doesn't have a practical purpose, that accomplishes no task and reaches no goal other than satisfaction. People who feel goal-driven become impatient with leisurely talk that doesn't move toward practical achievement. (You may have noticed that some restaurants inform diners in advance that they must expect to spend several hours while their courses and prepared, served, and eaten, gently suggesting that hurried diners go elsewhere.)   

A conversational partner who urges you to "get to the point" will not enjoy an experience in which there is no "point" except exploration, through talk, of many ideas, experiences, and feelings.   

Gershwin's song "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess contains the line "Summertime, and the living is easy . . ." That's the sense of a gourmet conversation. It doesn't feel like work. Instead, it evokes pure enjoyment through delicious talk.