Life-Changing Conversations  

 At the top of each ezine are my words, Ordinary conversation  yields little, but masterful conversation works miracles.  And so it is that special conversations change lives.   

How One Conversation Changed My Life   

When I was a college junior about to drop out of school, a single  30-minute conversation turned my life around. An academic counselor  called me in to discuss my progress, and during our time together,  listened to me with great care, then reflected my responses back so  I could hear what I had said. He gave me no advice, no pep-talk.   

As I left his office, I felt embarrassed by what I'd said  my  distorted and defensive remarks. I had offered him exaggerated  and largely empty reasons for leaving school. I had used them  to convince myself and my allies, also disgruntled students. But  my reasons seemed foolish when spoken by this man.   

That day, I changed my mind, buckled down to studies, took  responsibility for my situation (plummeting grades), and  created the beginning of a long and satisfying academic career.   

After thinking a long time about those features and qualities  of a conversation that changes a life, I've teased out a few.  These include, but are not limited to   

--deep engagement of the conversers 
--a lot of authenticity and credibility in the one 
stimulating the change 

In my example above, both of us were deeply engaged. I  was on the hot seat with huge changes looming ahead for me if  I didn't reconsider my position. Although I was trying to flim-  flam the counselor, he spoke to me simply and honestly and  authentically, which also endowed him with credibility. He  treated me with respect and really got my attention. And  that made all the difference.   

An Alcoholic Recovers   

Let me now draw examples from other very different  situations. Such as the ex-alcoholic who told me how he  changed his life after attending several dozen A.A. meetings.  It took that long for him to get what the members were  sharing with him and the group. Finally he saw that he had  been deceiving himself. ( He had stopped drinking, but he had  continued smoking marijuana.) Finally he acknowledged That's  me. That could be me telling my story. In that moment  he began his long and now genuine process of change.   

Sometimes it can be a kind word that evokes the life-change.  Sometimes it can be an angry word. Or a deep question. The  form of the change-messages can vary widely.   

A Wife Puts Her Foot Down   

A wife I knew had five children and a troubled marriage  because her husband openly flirted with other women, which  embarrassed her, but also was spending a lot of time with  an attractive secretary from his office. While she cared for  the home and the kids, he was ostensibly working late and  weekends with the secretary, often not returning home until  midnight.   

Her response? A firm, angry, and authentic ultimatum  that either he drop his dalliance with the secretary and be a  caring husband and father or he find another place to live.  Knowing she was not bluffing, clear in his mind that she  truly meant what she said, he ended his other relationship.  Miraculously, he suddenly has less late-night work and  could spend time with his family.   

What life-changing conversations have you had? Did  the word of a parent or coach or friend make a huge  difference? Did your encouragement of a colleague  help her to really excel and get promoted? Did a story  told by a teacher or professor seem like it was made just  for you, and so you took the road less traveled by?