Please Tell Me Your Story Everyone has a story to tell, but relatively few are asked to tell it. I recall when I returned on a visit to Minneapolis from Berlin in August 1961, the month the Berlin wall was being built and headlines threatened possible war with the Soviet Union, almost no one was interested. Similarly, when I returned from Central America in March 2003, almost no one was interested. I have found that many people are so absorbed in their own lives that they don't have time for the experiences of others. Here's a an example of the opposite - extreme interest. A friend in Oregon has recorded over 1,700 travel stories from over 1,000 persons from many countries. Most are fascinating, such as tales of harrowing challenges with crooked immigration officials, visits to secret places, and near-escapes from wild animals while on safari. My story-collector friend plans to publish many of these stories after he transitions into semi-retirement from his business. The question for conversationalists is this: How do you get a stranger to engage so quickly in a conversation so personal? Michael's approach and his interpersonal process provides some answers. When meeting a stranger while traveling, he opens the conversation in a warm and friendly way. He's naturally gregarious and expansive and hospitable. Shortly after, he asks about his new friend's travel experiences. They almost always have at least one story of interest. And Michael shows that he is absolutely fascinated. Next, he tells them he is collecting such stories for future publication in a book on the psychology of travel (this is true), and if they'd be willing to tell their story to him and record it, it will possibly appear in print in the future. People usually become highly interested when they learn that their story might be published. That endows their "little story" with special significance. Moreover, the purpose of publishing these true stories is to help readers to better understand certain problems they might encounter while traveling, especially frauds, scams, and cons, and also personal dangers. So the teller gets some psychological satisfaction in relating a story that can help others. Now, Michael is always ready with his SONY mini-recorder and microphone, and soon the "story-conversation" can begin. The process of being recorded further builds the energy level and focuses the dialogue. Throughout the process, Michael is a fascinated listener, and genuinely so. The one telling the story does 90% of the talking, and Michael is 100% attentive. Throughout, he signals his interest and his encouragement, and from time to time asks for clarification, or asks a question to bring out further details. He stays very close to the specific experience, asking about emotions and the five senses. As a result, the teller re-lives their experience. At the end of the story (usually 15 to 30 minutes later), he thanks the person for sharing their account. He always takes pains to get their correct contact information so that he may send them a copy of the book when it is published. The participant appears deeply satisfied for having been asked, for being given the chance to tell their story, and to be so clearly heard and understood. It seems unlikely that any person reading this is collecting stories for a book, and also unlikely that they'd be toting a recording device when meeting strangers. However, there are some specific skills that were used that any reader can put to use with strangers. These seem to be to 1. Put people at ease with a friendly and hospitable manner. 2. Let them know you are genuinely interested in their experiences. 3. Give them full and fascinated attention while listening. 4. Thank them for taking the time to share their experience. Everyone has a story to tell. Give them a safe and friendly opportunity to tell it, and they will almost always do so. Note: If you have a travel story to relate for future publication, you can read about Michael's project and contact him at www.michaelbrein.com
Storytelling