Reunion Conversations  

 Is it possible to have meaningful conversations at a class reunion? Remotely possible, yes.  But also, unlikely.  Why is that so?  Read on.   

Reunions are big business.    

Class reunions, 
family reunions, 
military reunions.  
There is a thriving Reunions Magazine, and there are plenty of websites for locating former classmates.  In 2002, many urban centers have consulting organizations who plan and manage reunions for a fee.  Mostly, however, hard-working committees of former classmates do the heavy lifting of preparing the events, and the rest of us just show up. 

Last month I attended my own high school class reunion in Wisconsin and had an opportunity to observe the interaction of the 100 or so classmates present at the festivities.  Even though I had been appointed as M.C. for the final banquet evening, I was still able to connect briefly with dozens of classmates and observe many others at our two main events.  The reunion was themed A Sentimental Journey. And so it was.   

     Although most class reunions are only one-night communities, ours included two evenings and a walking tour of the old school.  The first was just for interacting. No program, no speeches, no recognitions. Informal tables, hors d'ouvres, no-host bar.  In a banquet hall away from the school itself, one can remember only selectively those factors of the high school experience we shared together.  So, in a series of fleeting encounters, we navigated the room, trying bravely to catch up on the past decade in short bursts of enthusiastic small talk, a few minutes of What are you doing now?   

The morning walking tour of the old school evoked some deep Experience for many.  The smells of the rooms, the office in which the principal gave me a stern scolding, the library where I anxiously prepared evidence for the debate team, the stage where I played my roles, sang my songs.   But with whom could I share these reminiscences?  We move along so swiftly that most of us have to swallow  at least for now  the memories the tour evokes.   

On the final evening, I show up early to move through the crowd in hopes of finding those few special people I want to see.  I'm about 50% successful.  Some didn't attend, a few are late, others are already engaged in a chat.  Soon, the program must begin, and I and the committee are seated, like birds on a wire, at the head table.  I handle the M.C. responsibilities and, during short breaks, peck at my food and get notes about announcements to make and surprise entertainment I must wedge into the evening.   After the program, most of us mill around for an hour or so, extending greetings and making small talk.   

How many of us succeeded in encountering our personal past in this two-evening community?   That I could not determine.  No doubt, the attendees had varying agendas and goals.  At least a few probably succeeded in re-visiting some of the best years of their lives when they threw the touchdown pass, were crowned in homecoming glory, or achieved academic success and scholarships.  The rest of us were merely eager, hoping for significance, but finding little more than sentiment.   

We like to think that we are self-directed and independent and can create the social outcomes we desire.  However, structured and ritualistic occasions like the class reunions held in every U.S. town each year do not support such creativity.  Instead, we show up, good boys and girls, and do what is expected and assigned within the limits of time and place.  Then, just as quickly, we depart, perhaps with a longing for a deeper connection next time.  But not for another ten years, please.  (Would anyone want to do this again the following year?  I think not.)   

Suggestion:  If you have hopes of connecting deeply with your most important classmates, you must plan to do so outside of the standard reunion events.  Arrive early or stay a few extra days.  Don't leave these connections to chance.  Track down your favorites by phone (your committee will have a contact list) and set up special times for lunch or dinner, or just hanging out for a few hours.  Only then can you have a real conversation.