Slow Talk   

 Today we launch the Slow Talk Movement. Some benefits:   

lower social anxiety  closer relationships  better listening  greater understanding  If we don't slow down, how can we truly savor the conversation of others? How else can we really enjoy just consuming the talk – with no instrumental or for-profit purpose beyond that?   

In his 1998 book, "The De-Voicing of Society: Why We Don't Talk To Each Other Anymore," anthropologist/linguist John Locke writes that as we are ever more separated, staring at our video screens, we are watching and typing rather than talking. However, because we humans are tribal, we need the vocal nuances and inflections and the bodily expressions to make real connections.   

Perhaps you know of the "Slow Food Movement" founded by Italian chef Carlo Petrini in 1986, now numbering 65,000 members in 35 countries. Or, founded later, the "Slow Cities" initiatives around the world. Both are dedicated to improving quality of life by slowing down our activities in a hurry-up, fast-food world of global efficiency. So that we take time to smell not only the flowers, but also the spices and herbs in the meal placed before us, lovingly prepared with fresh foods and from recipes generations old.   

Visiting friends in Ferrara, Italy two years ago, I was included in a social gathering of a dozen old friends held during a 4-hour dinner party. Although my Italian language skills are modest at best, I was able to participate in the full-group conversations as we dined and talked, sipped wine and talked, sampled desserts and talked, drank espresso and talked. We began at 8:00 and ended at midnight, chattering out the door into the wintry evening. Instead of being weary from the banter, the laughter, the political talk and gentle gossip, the people seemed invigorated, refreshed, even inspired.   

That dinner was a slow talk event. Everyone had plenty of turns. Talk was lively and jovial, sometimes heated, occasionally pensive. The dashing bachelor, an economics professor, seemed most in Command as he spun out clever stories with much humor. The retired lawyer's wife was his effusive foil. Several women teased the professor and urged him on. A furniture dealer insisted the economy was tanking. Me? I mainly asked a few questions and listened.   

I doubt that my Italian friends are formal members of the Slow Food movement. Instead, I think they were simply expressing their culture. After all, real culture is about things like tradition, flavor, uniqueness, and human contact.   

I'm old enough to remember when a successful social evening consisted of a dinner with family friends and a few hours of friendly conversation over cake and coffee, the only distractions being us tired and cranky kids, the signal to the grown-ups that it was time to leave for home.   

It seems that slow talk is best organized around food, which suggests a certain hospitality and also extends the social time. For example, I observed at the Skandia Future Centre near Stockholm, the quality of talk at business retreats was enhanced by a consciously designed atmosphere of "home," complete with fresh-brewed Swedish coffee and pastries.   

If you want to try out slow talk, here are a few suggestions:   

1. Slow down your rate of speech by about 10-15% . Allow for pauses to take in and digest what is said. (The Social Anxiety Institute reports that adopting a slightly slower speech rate significantly reduces a person's social anxiety level.)   

2. Instead of scheduling a 39-minute "power lunch" with an associate, arrange a more leisurely meal at a restaurant that takes its time serving the courses and doesn't mind if you dally over coffee. Allow 90 minutes.   

3. Plan a slowed-down social evening for 8-12 congenial friends. Maybe just coffee and dessert for a few hours. Make clear that the purpose of the evening will be congenial conversation among friends, time to catch up on each others' lives, time to share opinions and each other. No TV, no home movies, no board games. Just social talk. (Select people carefully. You know the ones not to invite.)   

Want to participate in the Slow Talk Movement? No dues, no fancy membership qualifications, no formal meetings. Just do it.