Last week I requested that you tell 5 friends about this newsletter, and many of you did so. I've mailed each of you a copy of my "Small Talk Success Tips" booklet for inviting your friends to subscribe.

So successful was this mini-campaign, I'm extending it for one more week. Tell 5 friends and let me know you did so and give me your postal address, I'll send you my booklet. You can use the link In this newsletter, it's really easy.

Big prize: To the first person who recommends this newsletter to at least 25 friends and lets me know they've done so I will mail a brand new copy of "IFFERISMS: An Anthology of Aphorisms that Begin with the Word If," by Dr. Mardy Grothe. (Sept. 2009, $15.99) It's great fun to read these and use them.

"Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours."

--Benjamin Disraeli

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

(Check your answer at the end of today's article.)

Who is Orhan Pamuk?

(Check your answer at the end of today's article.)

"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams."

- Mary Ellen Kelly

ih-may-shee-ay-tid

thin, wasted, gaunt, scrawny.

"Without exception, the camp inmates looked emaciated."

Here's the problem: Conversations often get broken or stuck because of two common responses:

What often happens is that when a topic is introduced, it doesn't get explored. For example, Fred says

"I'm thinking about relocating to the East Coast."

Jim says, "Really? But you've already got such a good situation here." ("Yes, but")

Or, perhaps, "Relocating? Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about relocating myself, and . . ." ("Me, too")

The more helpful and very simple alternative would be to use a follow-up question or encourager such as

Really? Where to?

When?

Why?

Tell me more

Wow! Sounds interesting.

What do you know about that area?

Yes, and . . .?

From time to time, I include a feature I call "Provoquotations" in this newsletter. These are "provocative quotations," often from famous people, and I include them to stimulate thinking and thus enrich a conversation.

However, I have learned that these "wisdom sayings" do not enrich a conversation unless its participants have and use the simple skill of follow-up questions. To follow up is to collaborate, an essential factor in quality conversation.

For example, here's a provoquotation by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung:

"A shoe that fits one person pinches another;

there is no recipe for living that suits all cases."

If I say to you, "Yes, that seems true for me, and I saw lots of evidence of that when in the U. S. Army," you can either short-circuit our conversation by using a "Me, too" type response, or you could ask me for details with questions like:

What kind of evidence?" or "What are some examples?" Or simply, "Tell me more." Doing this increases your clarity of understanding and also keeps the conversation flowing along smoothly.

After I shared more details, you'd have your turn, and my role would then be to support you in sharing your thinking. By describing our experiences, together we would deepen our understanding of what otherwise remains as just another abstract and lofty statement.

Sometimes we need only some nonverbal and small vocal signals to keep the conversation flowing along. Like the "green lights" of head nods and vocalizations like "uh-huh," etc. In effect, these mean "keep going." This does not require any fancy verbal footwork. But it does take some practice so that you'll have it in your repertoire.

Take action: Apply this simple and powerful follow-up skill in your conversations this week and watch the results. Others will feel validated, and you will like the outcome.

Famous Quotations: Who Said this?

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Answer: Comedian Bill Cosby

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Who is Orhan Pamuk?

Answer: Nobel Laureate for literature (2006) This

Turkish novelist's books have been translated into

more than 50 languages, sold over 7 million copies.

Loren Ekroth ©2009, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.