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Loren Ekroth, publisher
loren@conversationmatters.com
"Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."
Phil Connors in Groundhog Day movie (1993) played by Bill Murray.
4. Useful New Words: Patient Capitalism
Patient capitalism deals with entrepreneurs who live in poverty, dealing with survival on a daily basis.The Grameen Bank fosters such an approach, one that listens to those who seek micro-loans and allows time for entrepreneurs to develop their projects.
5. Memorable Talk from Movies
Which movie is this from?
a)Casablanca(1942)
b)Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964)
c)Arthur (1981)
d)Barfly (1983)
Check your answer at the end of today's article.
7. Barbed Ire
"Before we pursue this delicate subject further it might be wise to define intoxication. If you wake up in bed with your hat on you, it's my guess you may have been addled on retirement."(FYI, "addled" means "drunk.")
--Tallulah Bankhead, 1902 - 1968
8. Filibuster Factoid
A recent Pew poll showed that only 26 percent of Americans know that 60 votes are required to break a Senatefilibuster.
9. Article: Want to Change a Conversation Habit?
For example, you might be concerned with "What do I say next?"
Or, maybe you'd be stymied by one of these challenging situations:
Meeting and talking to famous people
Defending yourself when verbally attacked
Understanding complex messages accurately
Networking successfully
Making and retaining new friends
Managing a work team on a project
The more options you have in your conversation repertoire, the
more effective you can be.A technical term for this is "the law of requisite variety."The person with the largest variety of moves can influence the outcome of the conversation.For
example:The salesperson with a larger number of responses
than a buyer has objections can usually make the sale.
An example of having too few effective options:
Non-assertive people become doormats when others
treat them unfairly or disdainfully.They become insecure and
socially anxious.They don't know how to defend themselves
At the start of the "assertiveness movement," psychologist Manuel Smith wrote the first of several books entitled "When I say no, I Feel Guilty" (1975).One of his conclusions was that people who lacked assertive communication skills suffered from social anxiety, even clinical depression.But they didn't need psychotherapy; they needed more effective communication skills through behavior practice.When they acquired and used those skills, their anxiety disappeared.
Same Behavior, Same Results
Many of you have seen the 1993 movie, Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray, who played the arrogant weatherman Phil Connors. Until he changed his attitudes and the way he treated others, each one of his days was the same.People disliked him.He had no real friends.Finally, when he "got it" and made real changes, his days were different and positive.
One of the most common conversation deficiencies is overuse
of the "take-away" ploy.This happens when A begins to describe a topic and B grabs the topic and scoots off before A finishes.
This behavior is fairly easy to identify, but, like most long term habits, it is usually hard to change.
Example:A friend from my church phoned me with a few questions.As I began to answer each question, he hitch-hiked on my words and took over the conversation.In fact, he did this about 6 times during our 15-minute conversation.After our phone talk, he noticed what he had done.
However, awareness was not enoughfor him to make a change.When he had two other phone conversations immediately afterwards, he did the same thing, over and over. Off-putting?Yes.
What does he need to do to change?
He needs to work on one habit at a time, and probably for 30 days. Why so long?Because the neural pathways in his brain that produce the same (now unwanted) behavior are well-developed, and it will take time to weaken them by replacing the old pattern with a new one.For example, instead of a "take-away," to say "Tell me more."
Here's a simple format for his (or your) change:
As Napoleon Hill (author of Think and Grow Rich) wrote:
"It is always your next move."
What's YOUR next move?
10. Memorable Talk from Movies
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
Which movie is this from?
Answer:Casablanca (1942), spoken by Humphrey Bogart
Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved
Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.
Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com