Almost completed, a power-pack kit of processes to help church members know one another better. As well, to help create a "culture of hospitality" in that community. I have used these processes with a number of church groups and even retirement homes with good results.

If you have an opportunity to host such an easy-to-use program for a social time at your church or synagogue and would like to try this new program, I'll make about a dozen copies available if you agree to give me feedback on how it worked for your group. If interested, send me your name and name of the organization where you'd be using this kit - and approximately when you'd use it. Send message to loren@conversationmatters.com. I expect to have the kit completed in the next few weeks.

A voiceprint is a set of measurable characteristics of a human voice that uniquely identifies an individual. As well, it can give the listener a "feel" of you as a person.

If you'd like to "meet me on the telephone" for 10 minutes, I am making some blocks of time available next week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. Pacific Time, March 1, 2, 3. If I am meeting another subscriber when you call, I'll let you know when to call back. You are welcome to ask any question about conversation, and I'd like any comments about this ezine. Telephone number is 702-214-6782.

http://thebrowser.com/

Best of the moment articles from around the world. If you are

interested in events and ideas that shape our world, you'll like

the carefully selected array of articles listed in The Browser.

"My husband is addicted on computer's games and he may spend whole day in front of the monitor. We don't even talk normally because of his occupancy with these games."

--Gaby

Meaning: an attack on an opponent's character rather than by an

"As politics become more contentious we see an increase in

ad hominem slogans and speeches." Such as

"Rep. Scrunch is a liar and an adulterer!"

"You had me at hello." Who said this in which movie? See answer at end of today's article.

"You had me at hello."

Who said this in which movie?

See answer at end of today's article.

--Source unknown

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

--anonymous

Be a great listener when friends share

their interests. Listening validates

others. Most folks have "listening hunger"

in our self-absorbed and distracted society.

Nourish them with listening.

First conclusion: NO

"Rather than conflicting with people's community ties, we find that the Internet fits seamlessly with in-person and phone encounters. With the help of the Internet, people are able to maintain active contact with sizable social networks, even though many of the people in those networks do not live nearby. More, there is media multiplexity: The more that people see each other in person and talk on the phone,

the more they use the internet." (From the Pew Internet and

American Life Project, "The Strength of Internet Ties." 2006)

However, very different conclusions were reached by Professor Norman Nie and his colleagues at Stanford University, who concluded YES:

"The more time people spend using the Internet, the more they lose contact with their social environment . . .As Internet use grows, Americans report they spend less time with family and friends, shopping in stores or watching television, and more time working for their employers at home - without cutting back their hours in the office. A key find of the study is that the more hours people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings."

Norman H. Nie and Lutz Erbring, "Internet and Society: A Preliminary Report," IT & Society I (2002), 275-83.

Most illuminating to me is this excerpt by the psychologist

Daniel Goleman, who finds "a design flaw inherent in the interface between the brain's social circuitry and the online world."

"In face-to-face interaction, the brain reads a continual cascade of emotional signs and social cues, instantaneously using them to guide our next move so that the encounter goes well. Much of this social guidance occurs in circuitry centered no the orbitofrontal cortex, a center for empathy. This cortex uses that social scan to help make sure that what we do next will keep the interaction on track . . .But the cortex needs social information - in change in tone of voice,say - to

know how to select and channel our impulses. And in e-mail there are no channels for voice, facial expression or other cues from the person who will receive what we say."

Daniel Goleman, "Flame First, Think Later: New Clues to E-Mail

Misbehavior," New York Times, February 20, 2007. (Goleman

is author of the two bestsellers, "Emotional Intelligence" and "Social Intelligence."

Clearly, time on the Internet is time away from other real live humans.

Examples: I know a fellow who spends 12-16 hours a day online running his internet business. I know a number of parents who complain that their kids are online instead of playing outside with friends, and a wife who says her husband goes directly to his computer when he arrives home to play interactive games with people he's never met. And so it goes.

The main, old-fashioned point I want to make is this: Absent the cues of voice and body language, your text messages are relatively empty of emotion. Video-conferencing with sound is better, and telephone is good (especially if I already have a felt sense of you from an earlier meeting.) But only a face to face encounter will allow for the communication of the fleeting nuances of feeling.

Of course, you should continue your emailing friends and relatives and business associates. The Internet is a helpful tool. Just don't confuse a brief text message

with a real-life encounter. The first is relatively barren of feeling, but the second is rich. These two modalities are very, very different.

"You had me at hello."

Said to Jerry McGuire (Tom Cruise) by Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger) to Jerry after he flies back to see her but keeps on blabbermouthing. The movie? Jerry McGuire (1996)

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.