How to Instantly Connect with Anyone: 96 All-New

Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships, by

Leil Lowndes (2010).

You'll find dozens of "little tricks" you've never

thought of before. These are simple methods of

connecting with all sorts of people in many situations.

Examples:

--How to Come Across as Dependable and Competent

--How to Avoid Common Dumb Phrases People Say

--How to Exchange Business Card with Class.

--How to Make Friends at a Big Party.

--How to Connect When You Don't Speak the Same Language.

Look at this book on my website's bookstore of conversation-related books,

http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/detail/0071545859

"It makes little difference how many university courses or degrees a person may own. If he cannot use words to move an idea from one point to another, his education is incomplete."

-- Norman Cousins

This special week, sponsored by the National Association of Independent Writers and Editors, focuses on the importance of words, particularly the written word. The week features free teleseminars with individuals in the writing, editing, and publishing fields. Online at www. NAIWE.com

Make an unexpected phone call to an old friend

or acquaintance. Tell that person how much s/he has

meant in your life. (Include a former teacher or coach,

too. They get far too little praise for the work they do.)

Meaning: a warning or caution.

from Latin caveat (let him beware).

from the real estate bubble in 2006."

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"

(Check your answer at the end of today's article.)

"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."

Do you have an adequately rich and flexible vocabulary to conduct effective conversations in a variety of situations? If your answer is "Yes," skim through this article. If your answer is "No," below you might find why not. Why not? Here may be a few reasons. If you don't spend much time with a diversity of others, including people with abundant conversation vocabularies. Want to get better at tennis? Play with better players. Want to acquire a better speaking vocabulary? Spend time with people with excellent vocabularies. (As the late business philosopher Jim Rohn often said, "You become the average of the five people you spend most time with.") We are a diverse society in N. America, and being able to converse with a variety of people requires flexibility. 2. Do you speak with euphemisms and weasel words rather than directly? I hear these slippery words everywhere. Here are examples: "voluntary termination": (A "nice" way to describe someone's being fired. Other dandies: dehired, deselected, and downsized.) "Your call is important to us." (Nonsense: Evidence of importance would be a human being responding within seconds, not this clichéd phrase.) "Call me sometime"--understood by both parties to mean the opposite of what was said. 3. Do you speak in codes? Many professionals do, like academics, medical doctors, attorneys. Also, mechanics, accountants, and lots of others. Although it's appropriate for professionals to use technical terminology when talking among themselves, it's usually not helpful when they speak in code to their students, patients, and clients without explaining the coded terms. Otherwise they are be-fuddled by such code-talk. Caveat to professionals: Avoid using jargon with the people you claim to serve. You won't lose any credibility by speaking simply and clearly. 4. If you are vague or ambiguous instead of precise, you are settling for too little. Thomas Leonard, the late genius who virtually invented the professional field of executive and personal coaching, was a stickler for being precise when `languaging.` He even created a set of terms he called the distinctionary. Vague, abstract, generic language doesn't achieve understanding. So, why should you build a better speaking vocabulary? So that You can be precise, make distinctions among words. You can stand out and be more credible. You can be more colorful and interesting instead of bland. Think about this thought: "The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire." --Emile de Girardin Good Ways to Build a Better Speaking Vocabulary: Spend more time with people whose vocabularies are rich and precise, much less time with those who speak in clichés and dumbed-down language. Set a modest goal. 5 new words a week? Maybe 10? 500 a year? Take a few minutes each day with flash cards and greatly accelerate the process. It's a good way to learn a second language and also to expand your native language. Make a game of this process and have fun. This need not be a slog. Examples: Play Scrabble or Fictionary. Do crossword puzzles. Read more books and upscale magazines, then look up unknown words in a dictionary. Visit word-building sites like www.freerice.com. (You can feed hungry people when learning new words. Subscribe to A-Word-A-Day at http://wordsmith.org/awad/ Finally, here are some helpful books --Word Smart: Building an Educated Vocabulary, by Adam Robinson --The Words You Should Know: 1200 Essential Words Every Educated Person Should Be Able to Use and Define, by David Olsen --Vocabulary for Dummies, by Laurie Rozakis, Ph. D. (Check these books at my website bookstore at www.conversationmatters.com, bookstore link.)

Do you have an adequately rich and flexible vocabulary to conduct effective conversations in a variety of situations? If your answer is "Yes," skim through this article. If your answer is "No," below you might find why not. Why not? Here may be a few reasons. If you don't spend much time with a diversity of others, including people with abundant conversation vocabularies. Want to get better at tennis? Play with better players. Want to acquire a better speaking vocabulary? Spend time with people with excellent vocabularies. (As the late business philosopher Jim Rohn often said, "You become the average of the five people you spend most time with.") We are a diverse society in N. America, and being able to converse with a variety of people requires flexibility. 2. Do you speak with euphemisms and weasel words rather than directly? I hear these slippery words everywhere. Here are examples: "voluntary termination": (A "nice" way to describe someone's being fired. Other dandies: dehired, deselected, and downsized.) "Your call is important to us." (Nonsense: Evidence of importance would be a human being responding within seconds, not this clichéd phrase.) "Call me sometime"--understood by both parties to mean the opposite of what was said. 3. Do you speak in codes? Many professionals do, like academics, medical doctors, attorneys. Also, mechanics, accountants, and lots of others. Although it's appropriate for professionals to use technical terminology when talking among themselves, it's usually not helpful when they speak in code to their students, patients, and clients without explaining the coded terms. Otherwise they are be-fuddled by such code-talk. Caveat to professionals: Avoid using jargon with the people you claim to serve. You won't lose any credibility by speaking simply and clearly. 4. If you are vague or ambiguous instead of precise, you are settling for too little. Thomas Leonard, the late genius who virtually invented the professional field of executive and personal coaching, was a stickler for being precise when `languaging.` He even created a set of terms he called the distinctionary. Vague, abstract, generic language doesn't achieve understanding. So, why should you build a better speaking vocabulary? So that You can be precise, make distinctions among words. You can stand out and be more credible. You can be more colorful and interesting instead of bland. Think about this thought: "The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire." --Emile de Girardin

Do you have an adequately rich and flexible vocabulary to conduct effective conversations in a variety of situations?

If your answer is "Yes," skim through this article.

If your answer is "No," below you might find why not.

Why not? Here may be a few reasons.

If you don't spend much time with a diversity of others, including people with abundant conversation vocabularies. Want to get better at tennis? Play with better players. Want to acquire a better speaking vocabulary? Spend time with people with excellent vocabularies. (As the late business philosopher Jim Rohn often said, "You become the average of the five people you spend most time with.")

We are a diverse society in N. America, and being able to converse with a variety of people requires flexibility.

2. Do you speak with euphemisms and weasel words rather than directly? I hear these slippery words everywhere. Here are examples:

"voluntary termination": (A "nice" way to describe someone's being fired. Other dandies: dehired, deselected, and downsized.)

"Your call is important to us." (Nonsense: Evidence of importance would be a human being responding within seconds, not this clichéd phrase.)

"Call me sometime"--understood by both parties to mean the opposite of what was said.

3. Do you speak in codes? Many professionals do, like academics, medical doctors, attorneys. Also, mechanics, accountants, and lots of others. Although it's appropriate for professionals to use technical terminology when talking among themselves, it's usually not helpful when they speak in code to their students, patients, and clients without explaining the coded terms. Otherwise they are be-fuddled by such code-talk.

Caveat to professionals: Avoid using jargon with the people you claim to serve. You won't lose any credibility by speaking simply and clearly.

4. If you are vague or ambiguous instead of precise, you are settling for too little. Thomas Leonard, the late genius who virtually invented the professional field of executive and personal coaching, was a stickler for being precise when `languaging.` He even created a set of terms he called the distinctionary. Vague, abstract, generic language doesn't achieve understanding.

So, why should you build a better speaking vocabulary? So that

Think about this thought:

"The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire." --Emile de Girardin

Good Ways to Build a Better Speaking Vocabulary: Spend more time with people whose vocabularies are rich and precise, much less time with those who speak in clichés and dumbed-down language. Set a modest goal. 5 new words a week? Maybe 10? 500 a year? Take a few minutes each day with flash cards and greatly accelerate the process. It's a good way to learn a second language and also to expand your native language. Make a game of this process and have fun. This need not be a slog. Examples: Play Scrabble or Fictionary. Do crossword puzzles. Read more books and upscale magazines, then look up unknown words in a dictionary. Visit word-building sites like www.freerice.com. (You can feed hungry people when learning new words. Subscribe to A-Word-A-Day at http://wordsmith.org/awad/

Good Ways to Build a Better Speaking Vocabulary:

Finally, here are some helpful books --Word Smart: Building an Educated Vocabulary, by Adam Robinson --The Words You Should Know: 1200 Essential Words Every Educated Person Should Be Able to Use and Define, by David Olsen --Vocabulary for Dummies, by Laurie Rozakis, Ph. D. (Check these books at my website bookstore at www.conversationmatters.com, bookstore link.)

Finally, here are some helpful books

--Word Smart: Building an Educated Vocabulary,

by Adam Robinson

--The Words You Should Know: 1200 Essential Words

Every Educated Person Should Be Able to Use and

Define, by David Olsen

--Vocabulary for Dummies, by Laurie Rozakis, Ph. D.

(Check these books at my website bookstore at

www.conversationmatters.com, bookstore link.)

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" Said by "Maverick," (Tom Cruise), while speaking to Kelly McGillis about his MIG sighting, in movie "Top Gun" (1986)

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.