April Fools Day and National Humor Month, 2010

Another opportunity to lighten up during these serious times.

Need background information and fun ideas for celebrating

April Fools Day? Try this site: http://www.thefoolsday.com/

One Small Step Can Change Your Life, by Robert Maurer, Ph. D.

One reader wrote about this 5-star book:

"Dr. Maurer gently guides you through a whole new way of perceiving your life, and towards the path to making those improvements you've been putting off indefinitely. The key? Baby steps. Sounds so simple, and it is. But you'll want to read Dr. Maurer's explanation for WHY this works, and HOW you can make it work for you."

This simple method applies perfectly to developing your conversation skills. As I suggest in today's article , "There are no quick fixes." No. Only steady improvement, one step at a time.

http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/images/0761129235

"A good conversationalist is not one who remembers what was said, but says what someone wants to remember."

John Mason Brown, 1900-1969

.

Give someone a standing ovation for excellence.

You can send a "Standing O" that's both fun and

uplifting. Here's how: Go to this Play Fair site:

(no charge, no strings, no spam, no hype)

http://www.playfair.com/standingO/send.htm

(Whom have you forgotten to praise?)

PRESH-ee-unss

Meaning

foreknowledge of events: anticipation of the course of events; foresight

Example

"George had the prescience to know that a storm was coming and boarded up his windows."

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'

together it spells 'Theirs'.

"Forgive me for insisting that you listen to my entire sentence before cutting me off because, as terribly smart as you obviously believe you are, you're not smart enough to know what I'm about to say." Alan Weiss, "The Millionaire Consultant"

"Forgive me for insisting that you listen to my entire

sentence before cutting me off because, as terribly smart

as you obviously believe you are, you're not smart enough

to know what I'm about to say."

Alan Weiss, "The Millionaire Consultant"

How long does it take to become a great conversationalist?

A good question I've been asked by some readers: "How

long does it take to become a great conversationalist?"

The truth is, for almost everyone, it takes a long, steady time.

To some of you readers, this may sound like bad news.

But the truth is mixed, because along the path to mastery,

you'd be making incremental changes and those small

changes in your conversational skills will give you

generous returns for the time and energy you invested

in making them.

For a little bit of effort in breaking a habit or adding

an effective new skill, you can realize an large reward.

You will be leveraging your effort, and your pay-off can be

at least 10 to 1.

Here's an example of adding a practical skill that had a huge payoff for me. When I was in high school many years ago, I took a half-time class for one semester called "Personal Typing." Practicing on old mechanical Royal typewriters, we had a goal of 30 error-free words a minute. By the end of the term, I was typing about 35 wpm.

My investment of time in class was less than 40 hours, but my payoff has been at least 1000 to 1. Consider some of my lifetime payoffs:

Masterful conversation requires verbal and expressive skills such as use of voice and movement, but also emotional and social intelligence when interacting with others. Not only what you say, and how. Also when you say it, and to whom, and where?

Virtually all humans learn to talk, but not all learn to converse. Conversation is "talking plus." Much of it requires social and emotional intelligence.

An example: I was at a dinner party recently with a dozen other folks. After the meal, we sat in the living room for some social talk. Someone asked me how long I had lived in Hawaii before moving to this city, and I said "30 years." I had resided on Oahu, but I'd visited all of the neighbor islands many times.

At that point one fellow hitch-hiked on my answer to talk about his experience on a trip to Hawaii 30 years ago. This move was kind of a "Me, too!" gambit and was OK so far as it went.

But then he began explaining - specifically to me - various aspects of Hawaii. For example, he asked me if I had been to the island of Kauai. "Yes," I said, "6 or 7 times." He then talked on as if I'd never been there!

Talk, yes. Social intelligence? No. Wrong timing, wrong target person, wrong occasion for a travel lecture during a social evening. Worse yet, he spoke in hyperbole and generalities like "That was the most beautiful beach I've ever seen . . ." Hardly riveting talk, that.

To a large extent, learning to master conversation is an apprenticeship of observation of skillful conversers. If you are around them, you can learn a lot and put it to use. If you are only around conversers of minimal skill, that's what you'll learn - minimal skills.

So the road toward mastery is long, just like the roads to mastery in culinary arts, or chess, or interior design, or playing golf. Comparatively few people become masters because they don't accept the time and effort required, or because they look for short cuts, or, more likely, they lack perseverance. Mastery requires some native talent plus lots of perseverance

with practice. Just plain "stickin'".

As the sage wrote, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

--Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

OK. Now some good news about the way toward mastery:

Along the way you'll be making progress. You'll be more effective, and your conversations will be more satisfying. Even one change, like being able to listen will full attention, can bring you many social and professional rewards.

There is wisdom in thinking of skill-building as a number of steps. Even "baby-steps." Why? When we try to change in major ways in a short time,we are destined for failure. Our ingrained behaviors "kick back" against wholesale change That's why I recommend one small step at a time in the direction ofmastery. This is what the Japanese call kaizen - little incremental steps, each one making us better. The book, "One Small Step Can Change Your Life" is awonderful primer on this method and how to apply it.

As Daniel Pink writes in his great new book, Drive, "Reminding yourself that you don't need to be a master by day 3 is the best way of ensuring you will be one by day 3,000. So before you go to sleep each day, ask yourself the small question: "Was I better today than yesterday?"

If "Yes," why then, you're making progress!

(Words this issue: 1240 Est. Reading Time: 4.5 minutes)

April Fools Day and National Humor Month Great Book You Could Use

April Fools Day and National Humor Month

4. Brighten Someone's Day

5. Word-a-Week

6. Jest Words

7. Barbed Ire

8. Today's Article: How Long Does It Take?

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.