My observation is that most people are out of balance in their skills. They are either great expressers and mediocre listeners, or they are great listeners and mediocre expressers.

Task: To b

Tactics:

1. Check how balanced you are, then hone the skills on your "weaker side". (Ask a trusted friend, "How am I at . . .?")

2. Read a "how to skills book" for new behaviors.

3. Practice in everyday life.

To be a master converser, you need a balance of the "yang" mode (speaking) and the "yin" mode (receiving/listening.)

Many people assume that conversation is mainly "the gift of gab" - verbal fluency. However, . . .

One of the greatest conversers in human history, Socrates, was mainly known for asking questions and listening.

Another great converser was psychologist Carl Rogers, who asked a few questions, then listened. (He originated the process of "active listening" - paraphrasing to check and confirm accuracy of meaning.)

Playwright Oscar Wilde was a brilliant expresser. Witty, poetic,

philosophical, entertaining. But he was a terrible listener because he was so self-absorbed, arrogant, and thought himself superior.

Johnny Carson, an introvert, was a great converser because he balanced talking and listening. He asked great questions of TV guests and listened intently.

For those who would like to talk less and ask/listen more,

Rudyard Kipling's memorable rhyme provides good counsel:

"I keep six honest serving men,they taught me all I knew.

their names are What and Why and When and How

and Where and Who." --Rudyard Kipling

(For a great resource for question skills, see below.)

Coaching Questions: A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills by Tony Stoltzfus (2008).

Want to improve your questioning skills? This is a fine book

appropriate for coaches, counselors, managers, and team members. Low cost, high value!

Only 100 pages, and packed with possibilities such as:

1. Dozens of asking tools, models, and strategies

2. The top ten asking mistakes people make, and how to correct each one

3. Nearly 1200 examples of powerful questions from real life situations

Check details at my bookstore: http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/detail/0979416361

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.