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by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. To see the book, click on this link. http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/detail/0380811960

Excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. To see the book, click on this link. http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/detail/0380811960

on this link.

http://astore.amazon.com/conversati05c-20/detail/0380811960

"You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say."

Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

lurk (rhymes with work)

1. To lie in wait, as in ambush.

2. To exist unobserved or unsuspected

3. To read but not contribute to the discussion in a

newsgroup, chatroom, or other online forum.

Example sentence:

"Some readers of 'Better Conversations' often

lurk instead of contributing questions and comments."

(Are you among them?)

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

- Lucille S. Harper

Answer: Sometimes, and "it depends."

There can be problems if you are too smart and too knowledgeable with some conversers. That can be intimidating.

1. For example, with kids. They might clam up if they think you already know everything.

When I was in elementary school, I loved learning about astronomy. I very quickly learned the distance of the Earth to the sun, and the names and sizes of the planets in our solar system. Even more I enjoyed explaining all of this to my mother because she didn't act as if she already knew this information. (But, being a school teacher, she did know.) I had the feeling then that I was doing her a favor by sharing my knowledge. She "played dumb," and that was wise.

(Check today's recommended book, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.")

2. The "Columbo Method" Do you remember the TV show "Columbo" that ran on national TV, 1971-1978? Actor Peter Falk played the scruffy detective who appeared to be a bumbling incompetent when investigating players in the crime scene. There were two steps to his method: (a) Get them talking, and then (b) Slip in the real question.

Because the culprits thought they were much smarter than Columbo, they talked and talked until he could catch them making some incriminating comment. He was "wise to be dumb."

--What do you want?

--Where do you want to go from here?

--What will you do, and when will you do it?

--What do YOU think?

Oftentimes, the person will come to their own conclusions.

4. When talking to someone with a limited knowledge of a topic, or with limited language skills, we are wiser to use simple language, even draw them a picture. Plain language, clearly spoken, gets a better result than using special terms they can't understand. This is especially important for professionals like medical doctors, attorneys, and professors who are prone to use "big words" when talking.

So, is it wise to be dumb? Yes, sometimes it is. We should adjust to the person we're talking to.

One final example: A family friend had a camera and photography store in my hometown, a port on Lake Superior. He complained to me that many of the sailors "Couldn't even speak English!" Such as deckhands from Greece or Poland. But, instead of adjusting to this language problem (and even having a few words of these languages to greet prospective customers), he simply spoke louder in English. As a result, both he and the customers were frustrated, and he made fewer sales.

The main point? Adjust to the persons you speak to. One size does not fit all.

1. Discount Magazines

2. Fine Book You Could Use

3. Conversation Quotation

4. Word-a-Week

5. Jest Words

6. Can Being Dumb Be Wise?

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.