You can usually choose the people you want to be with. It's easy to forget that principle. Before you were a legal adult, you didn't have much choice. You were with your parents, siblings, teachers and classmates, and neighbors. If you were unlucky, you were stuck with lots of difficult, unsupportive people. If you were lucky, you were with nourishing, creative people. As Malcolm Gladwell demonstrated in his recent book Outliers, people who became successful in life usually were surrounded by supportive, encouraging people. The old idea of an "independent, self-made person" is a myth. People rarely succeed on their own. Here is good counsel from two wise Americans "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." -Mark Twain "Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company." --George Washington Whom to avoid? Among others, these types Gossips Blamers "Ain't it awful?" gripers Dogmatic folks Energy sappers Belittlers Ignorant people I understand that you can't always avoid difficult people and be only with the supportive ones. You can, however, reduce your contact with certain ones (including some relatives and co-workers) by being polite and civil -- but not spending a lot time with them. You can decline invitations and keep contact brief. Especially avoid those who might desert you when you most need them.

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Tip for Talk: Choose Whom You Talk To

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.