I received a flood of responses to last week's article, "No Man Is an Island." They were very supportive and insightful, and I thank all who wrote to me about the issues in relocating and trying to create a new community in an unfamiliar town.

I received a flood of responses to last week's article, "No Man Is an Island." They were very supportive and insightful, and

I thank all who wrote to me about the issues in relocating and trying to create a new community in an unfamiliar town.

"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success; we often discover what will do by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery."

-- Samuel Smiles, Scottish author and reformer (1812-1904)

Want a deeper conversation with a friend? Share a provocative quotation like the one above and ask "What do you think about that? Is it true for you?" If the other person wants you to begin, OK, go ahead.

The point? "Big idea" talk is usually more satisfying than trivia talk.

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. The heart withers if it does not answer another heart."

--Pearl Buck, American Writer, 1892-1973

kuh-LOOD

Meaning

to conspire, plot

Example Sentence:

"The U. S. District Court has granted class-action status to a complaint that the retailer and manufacturer colluded to keep prices high."

A new book by Steve Johnson, cleverly described in this video.

Take a look. My guess is that Johnson's book sales will go UP.

Book: "Where Good Ideas Come From" (Oct 5, 2010)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NugRZGDbPFU

"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station."

--William Faulkner, novelist, Nobel Laureate, 1897 - 1962

Having a quality family dinner conversation can yield great results.

Hundreds of articles on this subject have been written and published by family development experts. In this article I hope to highlight the features that I think make can make family dinner conversations most successful.

I recognize that one size does not fit all. Therefore, different families should consider variations of this dinner time activity: How frequent, how long, and which format?

For example:

Of course, it's best to have "buy-in" from all family members. If this is a new family activity, teens who prefer to play video games in their room with a plate of food might be resistant, at least at first. However, if kids can help plan and schedule the dinner conversations, they'll usually be more cooperative.

No Veto Power

If the family regularly attends a church service, the kids don't have veto power. Same with attending family celebrations like Aunt Joan's birthday, or the annual Fourth of July picnic. And the same with having dinner together - at least on certain evenings. No one has veto power for special family dinner times.

Resources you can use:

1. Story Corps at www.storycorps.org has a great "Question Generator" link. You can print out a list of conversation questions and select from the list.

2. 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents, by Pepper Schwartz, Ph. D. is a useful book. Most public libraries would have books with questions you could use or adapt like

--How did you and Mom/Dad meet?

--Why did your parents give you your name?

--Who was your best friend in high school?

--If you could meet one person from history, who would it be?

201 Questions to Ask Your Children (same book as above)

--Have you ever imitated something you saw in a movie?

What was it?

--What would the ideal teacher be like?

--What would be the ideal allowance? Tell me how you would use it.

--Teach us one thing you learned today that you think we don't know.

3. "Family Dinner Box of Questions" and "Table Topics" are products you can buy. They are among many such products available in stores or online.

The benefits of using a simple process like a conversation kit or game include:

Overall, kids and other family members learn new information from one another, observe civility when interacting, build their vocabularies, and strengthen their conversation skills.

The dinnertime conversations can be used even when the kids are grown! You can engage in similar processes at any age. Here, too, you can create your own provocative conversation starters, or you can use a prepared kit process.

A wonderful example of how dinner conversations can contribute strength and depth to a family is the account of Ralph Nader in his book, The Seventeen Traditions (2007). In the chapter titled "The Tradition of Listening," he recounts how his mother taught everyone to "Listen more than you speak, and think before you speak." In the chapter "The Tradition of Education and Argument," he relates his father's question as he returned from elementary school: "What did you learn

today, Ralph? Did you learn how to believe, or did you learn how to think?" Thinking clearly and knowing how to support arguments with evidence were requirements at the Nader family table. Here, within this immigrant family from Lebanon, wisdom traditions were carried forth and demonstrated by example.

Even if your family no longer is raising school-age children, you can create meaningful conversation processes (or borrow from those that exist.) I have often recommended the ground rules of the Conversation Caf© movement because they help keep lively conversations on track and within the bounds of civility. (To check these resources, visit www.conversationcafe.org.)

Finally, in late November you'll be able to celebrate "Better Conversation Week" for the time when family groups gather for Thanksgiving. This provides an excellent time for elders to share life stories and have them recorded for posterity. (A "Better Family Conversation Kit" is available in the Conversation

Products section of our website, www.conversationmatters.com.)

1. Your Responses to 9/22 Newsletter

2. Provoquotation

3. Conversation Quotation

4. Word-a-Week

6. Jest Words

7. Article: Better Family Dinner Conversation

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.