"While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom,

the necessity of listening is what makes the right important."

--Walter Lippman

A commonly mispronounced word. I hear many folks say ex-tra- or-di-na-ry with 6 syllables instead of 5. As our English language developed, the agreed-upon

pronunciation came to be ex-TRORD-ih-na-ree, not EX-tra-OR-dih-NA-ree, which is another example of "hyper-correct" speech. (Sounding educated.)

Audio pronunciation for" extraordinary "

hear it again

Here's a good idea I found in Europe:

Supermarket cashiers in Europe (Spain, France, Germany)

may sit on tall chairs at eye-level with customers.

According to osteopaths and chiropractors I asked,

not having to stand for long shifts prevents back and

joint troubles and varicose veins.

However, when I suggested this health and money-saving

idea to several supermarket managers in the U. S., they

rejected it because "We always have our cashiers stand

when serving customers." Well, then, that settles it!

(But "more formal" European customers don't complain

about this. Apparently they understand that sitting serves

the the health of the check-out clerk. As well, European

customers usually bag their own groceries.)

Do you have a good idea you can share with our readers?

Please submit it to loren@conversationmatters.com.

(The best ideas for readers are those that work great but

are not well known.) If you wish, I will give you full credit; if

not, I'll just say something general such as

"A reader from Ohio"

"I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I

don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I

do not want it." --Bill Cosby

Hans Rosling's 200 Countries, 200 Years, 4 Minutes - The Joy of Stats - BBC Four

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkSRLYSojo

Beautifully done! An in depth overview with graphics.

Example:

"Many politicians beat around the bush, so to speak. In other words, they make good use of the device of periphrasis."

"No one can predict to what heights you can soar.

Even you will not know until you spread your wings."

--Ray Bradbury

(Loren's comment: This means you and me!)

Q. Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?

We are bound by our habits, and they are almost always out of our awareness. Unless someone draws our attention to a habit, we don't notice it. Your mother may have told you sternly, "Don't talk with your mouth full". Made aware, you

eventually swallowed your food before speaking up.

However, most of your friends and co-workers don't tell you about your troublesome conversation habits. Why not? They don't want to hurt your feelings and get you mad at them. If you have a particularly egregious habit, like taking over

a conversation, you may be embarrassed to be told of it. (Also, they don't want you telling them about their own bad habits with a "You, too!" response.)

Even highly-trained psychiatrists were surprised to discover some problematic communication habits they exhibited when they viewed videos of their behavior during a consulting session. Like fidgeting or looking impatient or frustrated. "Wow, I had no idea I was doing that," some said.

The classic graphic known as the "Johari Window" is a useful tool for interpersonal communication. We are aware if certain things about ourselves and unaware of others. The upper right quadrant below is called the "blind spot" area we aren't aware of. Sometimes it's called the "bad breath" area that even our best friends may not tell us about because it's embarrassing. So that might be the province of a doctor or dentist.

Top athletes have coaches to tell them what they can change. Professional musicians take master classes.

Devotees of personal development participate in group therapy to learn how their behavior affects others. All of these folks invite feedback to learn about their blind spots. Only then

can they make changes.

Most of you are very good at seeing other people's blind spots, things that they do or ways that they behave about which they are not aware. You could be write a long list of your friends' blind spots. But would you ever say it to them? No, because it's one of the most difficult things to do, to bring someone to see that they're doing something that they're not aware of. People are terrified of this. Like ripping a bandage off a tender wound.

But what we rarely think about is the possibility that we have just as many blind spots as other people do.

How to Become More Aware:

1. Record yourself talking to another person. Video is best, audio can be helpful. Then view or listen to your conversation behavior. Surprised? Probably. Make notes of what you observe that reduces your effectiveness. (Like "talking very fast.")

2. Buddy up with a good friend who also wants to get feedback. Ask that friend 3 questions:

1. When I'm talking, what do I do that helps the conversation?

2. When I'm talking, what do I do that gets in the way?

3. What changes, if any, would you recommend?

Then you answer the same questions for your friend.

3. You can also get good start on your awareness by using the self-tests link on my website, www.conversationmatters.com. You can assess your competencies first, then later get comments from your buddy.

In the near future I'll be writing articles about the options for learning a higher level of conversation competence in everyday life with "self-coaching."

Stay tuned.

Loren Ekroth ©2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.