"One kind word can warm three winter months."

--Japanese proverb

Only a few of you know that I once worked on the huge ore boats that sailed the Great Lakes from Duluth, MN to Buffalo, NY.  (The summer months of 1954-56.)  In 1956 I rose to the lofty rank of sous-chef (second cook.)  The job was 7 days a week, and I paid my way through college with my earnings.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use 'mayday' as theircall for help?(Check your answer at the end of today's article.)

I am completing a mini book entitled "Tips for Talk" for

waitstaff.   Its purpose is to help waiters increase their

tips and return business by how they relate to the guests.

For example, knowing and calling the guests by name, or being

able to describe any dish on the menu, or being amusing with

light banter.   Do you have such a favorite waiter?

What is it about their manner of relating that makes

them outstanding?  Please send the details to me

atloren@conversationmatters.com.  (Note:  The term

waiter has become a unisex term for both genders,

just as the term actor includes both men and women.)

"I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better."

--George Carlin 1937-2008

Nowavailable in the App Store, Fast Society is a free iPhone app that provides instant, private mobile group chat. Users simply pick a length of time for their connection - the duration of a concert event, say - invite some friends, and chat with them live via group text message. Anything sent to 32787 (FASTS) will go out to the entire group, but users can also send "CALL" and link up in an instant conference call. Location-sharing, meanwhile, takes just two taps. Group members who don't have iPhones can use the app viam.fastsociety.com- it works with virtually any SMS-enabled phone and supports nearly every major US cell service provider.

Website:www.fastsociety.comContact:team@fastsociety.com

"The highest wisdom is continual cheerfulness: such a state,

Like the region above the moon, is always clear and serene."

--Montaigne

If you want to enliven your conversations, my counsel is to try something new.  And different. Doing so will add some spice to what might be pretty bland.  No need to make any profound

New Year's resolutions to do this, either.   You can start with little baby steps with the recipes listed below.  I've used them all when appropriate.  I've found that they work nicely.

The underlying principle is to break the routine of what otherwise might be a thuddingly dull interchange.  When you manage to "break set" of interactive habits, you'll be more

creative, and the conversation will have more fuel.

Here's a list of practical tips you can use to break away from routines and "wake'em up"

◊ Wear Unusual Name Tags:

If you attend  a social mixer or business conference that uses paper name tags, you can diverge from the usual by adding a conversation starter such as "My Home Town is Kankakee, Illinois." or "I write cookbooks for children" or "I seek a personal assistant."  These little differences usually facilitate interesting talk.  (To be outstanding, you have tostand outfrom the crowd.)

◊ Use Distinctive business cards:

No need to spend a fortune.  You can, for example, put useful information on the back of your card, or use a different size with special graphics. Or print an 8-page info-booklet with your contact information (people keep  these if the information is valuable.)  You can even create "audio cards" at pretty low cost.

At a Christmas party I met a Hollywood designer for Madonna, Lady GaGa, and Cher, among dozens of other stars.  We exchanged cards.  I gave him my poker chip card and he gave me a stunning metal card glistening with silver alloy.  He may not keep my card, but I'll keep his!

◊ Ask Provocative Questions:

You can ask stimulating "surprise" questions early on.  Such as "Tell me something about your work that would surprise me."  Or "Can you share something about your early life that might surprise me?"   Don't make your question unduly personal, and remember  that your conversation partner can choose how they answer.

(Example:  I might answer an early life question truthfully, that "I grew up in a county jail when my father was sheriff."  Or I might say that I won my elementary school spelling bee when I was 11.)

◊ Sprinkle in Quotations:

You can flavor your ordinary conversation with pithy quotations, not to show off, but to emphasize a point or inject some wisdom.  Proverbs work nicely.  "I'm a Ben Franklin kind of person. You know, 'early to bed, early to rise.'  Please don't phone me after 9 p.m. "   One of my Christmas favorites is from Charles Dickens:  "Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at Christmas time."  Timely quotes from credible sources in the media can be potent in business groups, as in "Warren Buffet has recommended higher taxes for himself!"  Ebert on movies; Samuelson on economics; Phil Jackson on basketball; Oprah on popular culture, etc.  Quote the best, most interesting sources.

Sources for quotations are many and they are easily available in libraries.  Or here's a good reference  you can buy for $10:  "Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes".  The quotes are pithy, punchy, and memorable.

◊ Tell Stories or Anecdotes:

These can be engaging, especially life stories.  While attending a Christmas Eve dinner  guests around the table recounted the Christmas events of their childhoods in a sentimental exchange.  Very appropriate, sometimes touching, sometimes funny.

Of course, avoid long, rambling tales.  Keep your conversational stories crisp and lively.  Your material can usually be from your own life and your observations.  We humans are "hard-wired" to tell and listen to stories, and almost everyone enjoys a good story well told.  You're not skilled at telling stories?  Then learn from the best by observing and practicing.  Watch DVDs of great story-tellers.

◊ Inject Humor:

I grew up near Duluth, MN, and people sometimes say "Duluth:  Wow, it's really cold there, isn't it?"  I respond with "Yes, Bob Hope said that the coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in Duluth."  This never fails to get a chuckle.  Humor is a great leaven in otherwise serious conversations; it lightens up the emotional tone.  Best of all is humor that you can find in the situation itself.  You might exaggerate, or point out some oddity.  Far less effective is to tell long jokes you've heard from others--and you'll find  that out when you try.   Why?   As Mark Twain remarked, "A fellow who picks a cat up by the tail gets a hundred times as much information as one who's never done it."

◊ Seek out and Talk with Stimulating New People

If you talk mainly to the same people each day, you'll not up-level your conversation versatility.  So participate in a book club or interest group, or join a Toastmasters Club.  Show up at business mixers where you interact with strangers.  Take an interactive-style class at a community college.  Invite a fascinating person you meet to have lunch (you pick up the tab.)  Form a MasterMind group.

To bust out of the routine, you must, well, bust out of the routine.  So, take one small step by doing something fresh and different.  Start now, just one new baby-step.  Otherwise, this might be your fate:

"Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea? Nothing!"

-- Donald Gardner

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use 'mayday' as theircall for help?A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -- meaning 'help me' --and is pronounced 'mayday.'

Loren Ekroth �2010, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com