On Sunday afternoon, Feb. 6, 2011, 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. at the Sahara West Library in Las Vegas, I will facilitate "A Feast of Conversation" during which participants explore fascinating topics and learn other viewpoints. All attendees will receive a menu of topics from which they can select items -- from appetizers and entrees to desserts -- and all will receive a copy of my "Small Talk Success Tips" booklet.

This is a free event open to the public. If you plan to attend, please send message to loren@conversationmatters.com.

(This is purely for planning purposes.) If you have questions, you can also send me an email. I will respond.

Those readers who live in other cities or countries? I plan to create a "kit" of materials you can use to host a similar event. Stay tuned.

Today I'm using a slightly larger font size. You may find this easier to read. What do you think? Please send any comments to me at loren@conversationmatters.com.

"[Socrates] introduced the idea that individuals could not be intelligent on their own, that they needed someone else to stimulate them. ... His brilliant idea was that if two unsure individuals were put together, they could achieve what they could not do separately: they could discover the truth, their own truth, for themselves."

--Theodore Zeldin (b. 1933) Historian & Author

"[Socrates] introduced the idea that individuals could not be intelligent on their own, that they needed someone else to stimulate them. ... His brilliant idea was that if two unsure individuals were put together, they could achieve what they could not do separately: they could discover the truth, their own truth, for themselves."

--Theodore Zeldin (b. 1933) Historian & Author

During his youth, Loren frequently acted on high school and college stages and even imagined acting as a career. However, after graduation and during his first (and only) year of teaching English and directing plays in a high school, he was drafted into the U. S. Army. After basic and advanced training, he was deployed to a missile base in Italy. There he became fascinated with other languages and cultures, then taught college classes in 6 other countries. Eventually he got a Ph. D. in the new field of Intercultural Communication. However, Loren did not jettison his training in acting. His early stage experience served him well as a professor, a professional speaker and also as a performer with the Las Vegas Improvisation Players troupe.

(i-RAS-uh-buhl)

1. Quick-tempered.

2. Showing anger or resulting from anger.

Example: "His father was an irascible and boastful bully, a heavy drinker and a gambler."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

If you can fake that, you've got it made."

--George Burns

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

(Check your answer (or guess) at the end of today's article.)

"You often say 'I would give, but only to the deserving.' The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pastures. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish." --Kahlil Gibran

I have begun to think of "conversation skill" as a craft, and I'll tell you why. Although the term "art of conversation" is more commonly used and is included in the title of many books on the topic, the word "art" sometimes connotes the idea of "innate talent" that is possessed by only a few, and is expressed colloquially as the "gift of gab."

Actually, the vast majority of humans have the intelligence and ability to learn conversation skills at least to the level of competency, and some to the level of mastery. Many of you are practical people, and I think that you might be more drawn to the concept of "craft" than to "art." (After all, we learned many complicated skills along the way of life, including woodworking. cooking, and typing, as well as a wide variety of household skills. And nearly everyone learns to speak

in their native language.)

Writers often think of their work as a "craft," or sometimes, like my friend Bob Kelly, as "wordsmithing." (Bob's complimentary newsletter available at his website, www.wordcrafters.info.) Anu Garg's great site is titled Wordsmith.org (He publishes a free daily newsletter, A. Word. A. Day.)

Blacksmith. Silversmith. Wordsmith. Practical, indeed, and learnable. Rock-solid.

Now, here are some dictionary definitions of "craft."

"a special skill or dexterity" or "skill in planning, making, or executing." also, "an occupation or avocation requiring special skills, especially manual ones, including carpentry, sewing, pottery, etc." (Speech writers often use the term "speechcraft.")

However, the term "art" is more general, and covers this territory:

art: art refers to all creative human endeavors. The word "art" comes from the Latin ars, which, loosely translated, means "arrangement" or "to arrange"

I am inclined to reserve the "art of conversation" term to the product of verbal masters like Montaigne, Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, and Mark Twain. All of these were truly "gifted" in the use of language, both in writing and in repartee.

One more concept for special kinds of conversation skill: Game

game: any specific contest, engagement, amusement, computer simulation, or sport involving physical or mental competition under specific rules, as football, chess, or war games.

In verbal exchanges, sometimes we compete and try to win, such as in debates, joke-telling, and "can-you-top this" banter. Like other games, such exchanges include a goal, rules of play, obstacles, and competitors. If, however, at least one of the conversers thinks of conversation only as a game with a winner and a loser, this frame can be troublesome because every exchange then becomes a competition.

Although "the art of conversation" may be beyond the reach of some readers, the "craft of conversation" is within everyone's grasp as a practical set of skills that can be learned in everyday life. I find "craft" a very practical frame for thinking about conversation because it's not "fancy." Then, how cam your learn a higher level of this "craft"?

By observing competent conversers and practicing.

Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right.! Since most people

are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.