--The event will go on, as scheduled, at the Sahara West Library in Las Vegas.Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011.3:30 sharp to 5:15 p.m.  Free to the adult public. Just show up for this exciting adventure in exploring a variety of topics from a special "talk menu."(Light refreshments will be served.)

--Because so many subscribers from afar wrote me that they could not attend (from Canada, Australia, S. Africa, and all around the USA), I will complete a "kit" of materials for people who would like to host such

an event in their community.That will be ready soon

for a small cost as a downloadable set of materials.Stay tuned, and many thanks for your interest.It seems that people everywhere are hungry for nourishing

conversation.

"The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks."--Mortimer J. Adler

"I've got all the money I'llever need . . . if I die by four o'clock."

-- Henny Youngman

"Embrace fully your capacity to create, to think in unlimited ways, and to pursue everything that you have been wanting. Be flexible, open and willing to let the new come to you. "This can be the most joyous, prosperous, and creative time of your life."

-- Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer

Feb. 2 is Groundhog Day in the U.S.Every year, Punxsutawney Phil "predicts" whether or not winter will end soon.For 2011, Phil did not see his shadow (the skies in Pennsylvania were overcast), so Phil's folk prediction is that it end soon.

We all hope so.

The bigger lesson of Groundhog Day appears in the comedy movie starring Bill Murray (1993) that has played re-runs on TV for the past 17 years.In that Groundhog Day movie Murray playsPhil Connors, an egocentric Pittsburgh TV weatherman who, during a hated assignment covering the annual Groundhog Day event in Punxsutawney, PA , finds himself repeating the same day over and over again until he begins to reexamine his life and priorities.

Why did he change?Because personal pain was his teacher.

Lesson:If we don't change our attitudes and behaviors, nothing much changes in our personal lives.  In Dickens' "A Christmas Carol," Scrooge learns a similar lesson, in his case from "the ghosts of Christmas past."He wakes up and transforms from a stingy money-grubbing monster into a much kinder and generous person.He was scared into an awakening.

The formula for us all is this:First awareness, without which there is no change.Then the change in how we act, especially how we relate to others and ourself.

However, the change, while seemingly simple, may be hard.

Here's an example offered by a friend in Hawaii, David Tasaka.David is an expert on weight loss and a consultant and trainer through his state.During the classes of his "Lyte Program", he asks participants to apply what he calls the "triple treat."That is,

within one week, to make one of these changes:

1.Do something different that you've never done before in your life.

2.Meet someone different whom you've never known before in your life.

3.Learn something new that you've never known before.

When program members return one week later, he inquires about their results. "What happened?What did you change?"

Results?The majority of students in the classes made no change at all.Astonishing!Why not?What David found was that most had abundant excuses such as "My aunt was sick, and I was concerned about her," and "I had an extra-heavy workload last week," or "I was studying for an important exam."

When you think of David's assignment, you could say "Those are easy to accomplish," and you'd be right.For example, wearing your watch on your other wrist, or simply learning a new word or two, or introducing yourself to a stranger standing in line at the supermarket.But old habits and routines got in the way of his students, especially their tendency to provide reasons (that is, to make excuses) for not making even one change.They saw themselves as "innocent victims of circumstance" because they were at the effect of external events.And they could also probably say "This is my life; this is the way I am."

Now apply to yourself the idea that change may appear simple but will be hard if you see yourself at the effect of your life situation.For example, you read self-help books on various subjects but still find that making the recommended changes is hard.Example:The majority of people who sign up for a year of working out at a fitness club quit after 3 sessions."Things get in the way."

Here's a key:Of the two kinds of motivation we have for change, the motivation to achieve the results (primary motivation) must be more powerful than the motivation to engage in the process of change (secondary motivation).Example:The motivation to become an outstanding pianist must be more compelling than the motivation to practice.If that is so, you'll do the necessary practice.

(The late Pablo Casals, acknowledged as the finest cellist on the planet, practiced many hours each day in his senior years.Why?To "get better" at his skills.He did not rest on his laurels, and he knew that to stay sharp, he had to practice.)

When you apply these principles to making positive changes in your conversation skills, you'll find that you can make many gains.First, you must be "at cause" in your life circumstances and be responsible for your changes.The axiom is "If it's to be, it's up to me."Secondly, you must "begin with the end in mind" and see or create a compelling vision of your future abilities.Such a vision will almost pulls you forward because it's so attractive.

(I imagine that the late, great Johnny Carson wanted so fervently to be an entertainer and TV host that he overcame his introverted personality and was able to be "out there" when on television.)

Here's a specific example of a change for conversation:

Let's say you admire people who speak with a colorful and wide-ranging vocabulary and wish you could do the same.If you can see yourself with the same ability and the personal rewards you could reap for these skills (promotions, more satisfying social life, self-confidence, etc.), and if these results were compelling for you, you could embark on a personal program to become more adept with words.And you would probably succeed.

Nido Quebein, an icon in the speaking profession and now president of High Point University in North Carolina, emigrated to the U.S. from Lebanon as a teenager.At that time, he knew only a few words of English.While attending a community college (and working at various jobs to support himself) he set out to learn English by writing five words a day on note cards and committing them to memory.Each week, 25 useful new words; each month, 100 words, each year, 1200 words.He soon joined a Toastmasters club to learn the skills of public speaking, and as a young man began to speak to various audiences.Eventually, he began to speak for fees, and over time he became one of the most sought-after professional speakers in the country.Today he is a board member of many corporations, a university president, and a renowned and influential speaker much admired by his fellow professionals.

So, the lesson of the Groundhog Day movie is that, with awareness, change is possible.  When any of us fervently want a personal change, we can probably achieve it over time and with practice if we don't let excuses get in our way.

Loren Ekroth �2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com