On Feb. 6, 2011, twentypeople showed up for my "Feast of Conversation" event at a local library.(Dozens of others wrote me of their interest; but the annualSuperbowl game beat my "Feast" by about 21 points.)However, those who participated said they enjoyed talking about interesting topics with people they had never met before.Some of them made fascinating discoveries, and the 90 minutes sent by quickly.

For those subscribers in faraway places like Toronto and Brisbane, I promise I will complete a kit with instructions and materials that you can use to host a similar "feast" event that is virtually guaranteed to please your participants.Stay tuned.

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Learning is finding out what you already know.Doing is demonstrating that you know it.Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you.You are all learners, doers, teachers ..."

--Richard Bach, author

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite."

--Sam Levenson

The True Meaning of Life

We are visitors on this planet.

We are here for ninety

or one hundred years

at the very most.

During that period,

we must try to do

something good,

something useful

with our lives.

If you contribute

to other people's happiness,

you will find the true goal,

the true meaning of life.

The XIVth Dalai Lama

The research answer:Maybe so.My answer:Probably.

In 2010, a psychology professor at the University of Arizona, Matthias Mehl, and colleagues at other universities published a research study entitled "Eavesdropping on Happiness:Well-being is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations."

The main conclusion:

The happy life is social and conversationally deep rather than solitary and superficial.(Makes sense to me.)

Although these researchers were not able to determine the exact direction of the cause (Did happy people seek out and instigate more meaningful conversations, or did more meaningful conversation stimulate more well-being among them?), the two seem to be related.

(For those wanting more details of the study published in the journal Psychological Science, contactBarbara Isanski at the Association for Psychological Science ,bisanski@psychologicalscience.org.)

Another conclusion:

The happiest participants spent 25% less time alone and 70% more time talking than the unhappiest participants in the research study.

Why these conclusions make sense to me is that I have counseled thousands of people during 25 years as a therapist, and I observed that the more outgoing and cheerful among them generally had an active, engaged social life and were curious about many issues they'd talk over with friends and associates.The more withdrawn and reclusive people tended to exhibit far less "well-being."

Further, reports from professionals who work with elders and also Altzheimer's patients told me that when they used more meaningful topics in groups, people came alive and brightened up.For example, when asked to share life stories of positive adventures they had experienced.When people engage in "deeper conversations" they clearly are more stimulated than when they talk about routine matters that tend to be predictable.

Years ago, Dr. Manuel Smith, author of the classic book on assertiveness,When I Say No, I Feel Guilty,reported that more assertive people had a greater sense of competence and confidence, that is, "well-being."They were far less anxious, and they were more willing to engage others when they had differences of opinion than the non-assertive people.As well, they were more emotionally available and were aware of what they were feeling.

Professor Theodore Zeldin of Oxford University, author ofConversation: How Talk Can Change Our Lives(May 2000), claims that when we talk about interesting and deep ideas - even with a complete stranger - we are stretched such that we discover new viewpoints we'd never thought of before.With the assistance of members of his "Muse Society," he has orchestrated many conversation events he calls "A Feast of Strangers" for pairs to talk about ideas.They meet in restaurants and even outdoors in public parks, sometimes with hundreds of people.The participants come away from these events feeling satisfied, even exhilarated.

On February 6, 2011, I hosted "A Feast of Conversation" for 20 people, almost all strangers to one another, and I provided them with a "menu" of topics from which they could select.The results?Satisfaction.Several remarked they had been starved for meaningful talk and wanted to do this again - soon.They went away pleased with the 75-minute experience, and I have already scheduled another "Feast" at a local library.

I think of at least two exceptions regarding meaningful talk and well-being:

1.If the ideas are beyond our reach because we lack sufficient background to understand them, we may experience more stress than satisfaction.For example, talking with an expert like physicist Stephen Hawkings about black holes.For me, that would be a struggle because I have only a meager background in physics.

2.If your conversational partner was aggressively argumentative instead of civil, most of you would feel uneasy and upset.That's why some basic rules for talk are needed, rules that prevent conflict and personal attack.

Finally, if you want more meaningful talk, you have several options.1) You can seek out situations like book clubs or study groups that attract meaningful talkers, or 2) you can create a group whose purpose is congenial, meaningful talk.The organization known as "Conversation Caf�" has information on how to set up and host such a group.I have attended several of these cafes with strangers and found them enjoyable and nourishing.(Contact:www.conversationcafe.org)

Loren Ekroth �2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com