On my website,www.conversationmatters.comyou will find a self-scoring assessment tool for conversation mastery in the area titled "self-tests."You can rate yourself on 25 different proficiencies and learn which skills you might want to strengthen.

"Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new."

--Og Mandino

Because subscribersoften ask me about word use and grammar, I recommend to  youthe newsletter below, which I myself read almost daily:

"Daily Writing Tips," is an excellent newsletter for anyone interested in language, grammar, improving your writing.Complimentary (free) subscriptions atwww.dailywritingtips.com.Upper right on screen, click "Posts by Email" link.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."--Dave Barry

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

--Dave Barry

Subscribers ask me about how to join ongoing conversations.This article offers the most important tips.

1.Check the ongoing conversation for clues.Body language will usually reveal the nature of that conversation.If voices are low and bodies and heads are close, it's probably personal and lets you know "Don't enter."Still other conversations appear quite open with space between people and some of them looking around theroom.It's easier to enter these.

2."Knock before entering," a sign on the doors of many professional, also applies to entering conversations.A simple "Hi, may I join you?" will usually suffice.This way you won't be barging in unannounced, and asking permission gives others the options to say "Not right now, we' just finishing up a business conversation."

3.After you join a pair or a group, listen to learn what they're talking about before making comments or asking questions.That way you won't be disruptive because you'll be going into the flow of the talk.People may get annoyed if you inject yourself by asking "What are you talking about?"

4.If you are a stranger to the persons at a social or business event, you can ask a regular member to introduce you to both singles and small groups.Doing this is smoother and more tactful than "cold-calling" when you enter small groups.

5.As you enter an ongoing conversation, have a brief self-introduction ready, such as "Hi, I'm Joe Singler.I just moved here from Poughkeepsie.I'm the new manager at Stop and Shop."

6.As "the new kid on the block," avoid dominating the conversation of others.After all, even if you are known you are initially a guest in the activity of others.Follow their lead.

These tips usually apply to social conversation.However, you must also consider the overall context of the event.

What is the occasion and what is expected?For example, is behavior to be playful and festive?Serious?Business-like?Just as it's important to dress appropriately for an occasion, it's best to act in accordance with custom.

In a class or workshop, for example, a facilitator might walk around and listen in on any group's conversations and join in with comments and questions.However, in a restaurant, a waiter is expected to stay out of personal conversations among guests.

Who are the participants, and what status does each hold?For example, the boss or another type of senior official at an event can probably roam around and enter almost any conversation "without knocking."Such a high-status person may even be expected to do this.

What is the purpose of the event?A high school reunion will have different unwritten rules than will a community awards dinner, a social hour following a memorial service, or a business networking event.Some are more formal, others more casual.The wisdom of the adage applies:"When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

Loren Ekroth �2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com