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If you expect that communication success requires that your receiver can perfectly duplicate the meaning of what you intended, you will not succeed.

Interpersonal communication is always a partial failure.That is, the ambiguities of language and the differencesin the sender and receiver' life experiencesmake perfect duplication impossible.Instead, an achievable goal is that the meaning you intend is sufficiently received to accomplish your purpose.For example, giving a person driving instructions to a destination.If that person can get there without much difficulty, you have succeeded.

Here are 4 ways to signal that you've understood a message:

1.Saying "Yes, uh-uh," and nodding in agreement, as if to signal "Yes, I got it."Usually these signals will be adequate proof of understanding.However, some receivers may use these signals when they don't really understand but are merely being polite or don't want to appear dumb.

2.Paraphrasing the gist of the message as a way of checking your understanding."Do you mean to say that the hardware store is closing immediately?"This method is widely known as "active listening."If can be very effective is you don't overuse it - which can be an annoyance.

3.Offering an example or making an analogy, such as "It seems that your description of economic ups and downs are inevitable, like high tides and low tides.Is that what you're suggesting?"

4.Demonstrating that you understand what was said.For example, by accurately completing a math problem, drawing a map, performing a dance step, or by properly changing a tire.Demonstration is the most convincing evidence that a person understands.People may "know about" a subject without "knowing how" to apply it.

You'll find it very helpful to have ways to check that you accurately understand, especially when the stakes are high.

For example, a speaker friend recently told me of going to present a one-day seminar in Burlington, Vermont.When he arrived at the hotel, he discovered that no such program was scheduled.After phoning frantically to the seminar organizer in California, he learned that the venue was in Burlington, Massachusetts, a 4-hour drive!In order to get to the right meeting place, he had to hire a car and stay up all night.

If we're willing to admit that we may not understand accurately, we won't hesitate to use a method to check, even if we only request clarity with "Excuse me, would you repeat what you just said?"

Loren Ekroth �2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com