1. I Goofed!
My Nifty Nugget issue of April 18 had "Gold Miner" in the FROM line. Many subscribers didn't recognize the address, and that issue was caught by spam filters and vigilant folks who hit the old delete button. My apologies for the confusion. Alas, I was too cute by half.
2. Nugget: Accept the Offers, then Add
You ask, "Have you read Sherry Turkle's new book, "Alone Together"?
He says, "No. But I already know her ideas."
"Oh?" (You feel rejected.)
She says "Hey, I just heard about a great deal on laptops."
Without inquiring further, you say "Really?. I've already got a much better wholesale deal through a friend."
This is sand-box stuff. "My father is tougher than your father!" "I've got a faster bike than you!"
Instead, apply a principle from the craft of improv: "Accept every offer, then build on it."
The corollary: Don't deny offers. Don't oppose or trivialize offers. Instead, collaborate. Add to the offers.
Lest you misunderstand:When you accept an offer, you are not agreeing with it. You are simply acknowledging the offer. For example, when someone makes an offer that "Obama is a Muslim," you don't have to oppose or deny it. You can say "Really? Tell me more." Or "How did you come to that conclusion?" Later you can also say "I have a different point of view, which is .. ."
When your friend says to you "Did you hear that Senator Ensign resigned?" don't say "Ya, ya, I already know that." Instead, inquire, or add something . You could say "Maybe he's trying to get away from the Senate investigations. What do you think?" If you build on what was said, you two will have become a team for conversation.
If you regularly compete or argue with the comments of others, they'll eventually stop sharing with you. No one enjoys talking to someone who predictably resists what they say.
Tip: To become more aware that many people resist offers, observe them with for a day or two. You'll be amazed at how many sand-box responses you'll hear.
If you find yourself responding this way, eliminate your resistance, accept the offers, then build on them.
Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved
Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.