What Strangers Want to Know About You

1. Nugget: What Strangers Want to Know

What do strangers most want to know about you when you first meet,? I've discovered these top 4. I've put them into an easy to remember mnemonic I call "The 4 Ts."

TRIBE: What's your family background, ancestry? Irish? Armenian? Latino? Mixed? In Hawaii a common question is "What are you?" In that "salad bowl" society, this question is more important than in a town where 90% are of Nordic background and you can deduce ancestry by the surname, which is often an indicator of your ethnic tribe, such as with O'Brien and Papadopulous.

TERRITORY: What part of the country (or world) are you from? Mumbai, India? Mineral Point, Wisconsin? Strangers are looking for details about common ground, or at least common interests. "You're from St. Louis? I'm a big Cardinals fan." "Wow! My father also grew up in Fort Smith Arkansas. Did you know the Stevenson family there?

TASKS: What do you do? Nurse? Carpenter? Executive chef? Air Force officer? Sometimes the question is more specific, like when I attend National Speakers conventions and fellow speakers ask "What do you speak on?" Sometimes this question comes as "Where do you work?"

TEACHINGS: "Where did you go to school, and what did you study?" Art History? Electrical Engineering? Mathematics? These for college study, of course. Perhaps a person has attended a vocational school or a military academy, or they learned a trade in an apprenticeship program.

I sometimes use a condensed self-introduction by saying "My name is Loren Ekroth. Ekroth is a Swedish name meaning Oak Root. I help people get grounded in competent conversation skills." This 7-second introduction reveals both Tribe and Tasks and helps get us started. What I like my stranger to say is "Tell me more."

Generally, these are the four pieces of information others want to know. Of course, "it depends," because sometimes strangers will want to know if you're married or have children, or perhaps your religious affiliation or political beliefs. Items like these are more personal, however, and may not arise until strangers establish trust.

Loren