When I asked recently for voluntary donations to support my work in publishing this "Better Conversations" newsletter and its smaller cousins, my "Nuggets" and "Tip-a-Week" issues, I received a flood of support from, both by postal mail and electronically. Many were $5 donations, but others were for $10, $20, even a few of $50 and $100. Although most came from the U. S., I also received donations from Australia, Canada, Hong Kong, the UK, and Poland.

These donations help defray my costs such as tech support, broadband cable connection, Constant Contact, and the many books and research papers I purchase to harvest fresh ideas I can share with you. I take no salary for my work, which is largely to carry out my mission:"To raise the standard of conversation in life." Great thanks to all you loyal subscribers. (If you missed my request and would like to make a modest donation, you can do so at www.conversationmatters.com.)

"The secret of success in conversation is to be able to disagree without being disagreeable." -- Author unknown

"The secret of success in conversation is to be able to disagree without being disagreeable."

-- Author unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." --Don Lorenzo

"People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they cannot find

them, they make them."

--George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Author & Playwright

them, they make them."

--George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish Author & Playwright

(I am amazed these writers can publish every day!)

"Our deepest need is for the joy that comes with loving and being loved, with knowing we are of genuine use to others."

-- Eknath Easwaran

Do you know if you are expressing beatitudes or badditudes?

An attitude represents an individual's degree of like or dislike for something. Attitudes are generally positive or negative views of a person, place, thing, or event. Attitudes are judgments.

As I observe certain celebrities, politicians, and pundits, I wonder "Whatever happened to humility?" Full of themselves like Donald Trump, arrogant, dismissive, and self-righteous, they trumpet themselves both onstage and offstage. And some of these people are not even aware of the attitudes they give off in their behavior.

Etiquette expert Judith Martin, aka "Miss Manners, writes:

"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help."

I like what psychologist and author Dr. Mardy Grothe concludes: "To boast of one's strength is an unmistakable sign of weakness."

In the 8 beatitudes that Jesus gave us in The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5, 3-12) one is "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." (I used to think "meek" meant timid and weak. But later I learned he really meant "humble and open to learning.")

Here is a list of some great persons who manifested this humility and openness to learning in their attitudes:

Marcus Aurelius, St. Francis of Assisi, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Abraham Lincoln, Frederick Douglas, Jane Seymour, Louis Pasteur, Martin Luther King, Jr. Nicola Tesla, Florence Nightingale, Mother Teresa, Jane Goodall, Robert E. Lee, the Dalai Lama, Rev. Billy Graham, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela.

Other beatitudes that greatly impact human relations are "Blessed are the merciful" and Blessed are the

peacemakers."

Now, the opposite, examples of "badditudes":

--always assuming that there is something wrong with other people, and never yourself - If there's a problem, it's their fault not yours.

--being completely unwilling to behave in a way that might actually help to solve or improve a bad or unhappy situation.

-- being completely apathetic, uncaring or inconsiderate about the feelings of others or the effect of one's behavior on others.

Can a person change their attitudes? Yes. Sometimes only with difficulty, but yes.

Psychologist William James taught over 100 years ago:

"The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude." and

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome."

What are some practical ways to change attitudes?

I have seen stubborn people make extraordinary changes of attitude when they get a wake-up call like a heart attack, being fired from a job for having "badditudes," or divorced by a spouse. Finally seeing the results of their behavior, they become open to change.

Ultimately, we can all change if we want to and choose to,knowing that "If it's to be, it's up to me."

Until next week,

Loren

P. S. If you like this issue, please share it with a friend. You can do this by using the "Forward this email to a friend" link.

"It's Your Time to Shine: How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking: Develop Authentic Presence and Speak from Your Heart," by Sandra Zimmer, Founder of the Self-Expression Center in Houston, TX, where she has helped thousands of people transform their fears into authentic presence. Highly recommended!

Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.