An underused conversation tool is to ask for feedback

Example: The boss points out your memos are sloppy with typos and omissions and suggests you correct them. You agree and take that counsel seriously. You begin using a spell-checker and proof-read before sending out memos. Then, after a few careful tries at memo-writing, you ask your boss a simple question: "How am I doing with the memos?"

Example: Your spouse chides you for leaving the family car fuel tank almost empty. You agree to fill it when it's low. Then a week later you ask "How am I doing keeping the gas tank full?"

The big difference is this: When you ask for feedback, the other person assumes the role of coach rather than scolder-in-chief. And when you welcome feedback by requesting it, you won't feel nagged.

One of the great processes of Toastmasters Clubs is that speakers learn to solicit and welcome comments because they know they can't improve their skills without them. In the workplace and at home, getting feedback on our performance is helpful, and it's much easier to hear when we ask for it.

Until next week's tip,

Loren

Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.