"He who does not know foreign languages does not know anything about his own."

--Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Therefore, "How am I doing?"

I am grateful for and buoyed up by the many responses I receive from readers . As you know, my mission is to "raise the standard of conversation in life" because "Better conversation makes a better world."

If you have not yet sent me a comment or question, would you take a moment to do that? I am guided by these comments to do the best job I can to serve your interests and needs.

Email me directly: Loren@conversationmatters.com

Many thanks!

"I will say this about being an optimist: Even when

things don't turn out well, you are certain they will get better."

--Frank Hughes

From 1928 to 1963 the Burma-Shave company amused the nation with signs that offered "verse by the side of the road."

Here's one from 1940:

SAID JULIET

TO ROMEO

IF YOU

WON"T SHAVE

GO HOMEO.

BURMA-SHAVE

In 1963 the company was bought out,

and the new "smart people" at the top

immediately canceled this program. Result?

Sales plummeted and the product soon

disappeared from store shelves. Alas.

Recently I wrote about being civil with customer service

people, and many readers responded positively. For

you would would want to know more "how-to" skills

for civility, I recommend this recent book:

"Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude, and

Attitude for a Polite Planet." Gracefully written by

etiquette expert and speaker Sara Hacala, you'll find

out how to defuse conflict and prevent business and

personal setbacks; why kindness and generosity

toward others may benefit your own health and

well-being. The book is available from the publisher

at www.skylightpaths.com or www.amazon.com.

A fine book with dozens of good ideas and practical tips!

Most small talk is ordinary. Many think it's a

waste of time (and sometimes it is.)

However, it's a necessary part of conversation processes.

Every society requires that people routinely check

in with one another to maintain relations. Often

this is merely chit-chat, predictable and.brief,

such as "weather talk." Anthropologists term this

"phatic communication."

But small talk can be valuable in many ways

beyond social courtesy. For example:

It's a way to safely check out others in a few minutes.

(Will this person be a future friend?)

Small talk can be used to "cross-pollinate" by sharing

good ideas in a quick way.

Small talk is an excellent method for building your

social and business networks.

Here are 4 methods for raising the level of your own small talk from "so-so" to spectacular.

Let your opening lines with strangers both inform and

intrigue. Here's one of my own: "Hi, I'm Loren Ekroth, former communication professor. These days I publish my "Better Conversations" newsletter for readers in 93 countries."

Your closing can be simple and tactful with no hint of

staying connected, such as "It was good meeting you, George. Enjoy the rest of the convention."

or

"I see that we have a lot of common interests, George. May I have your card so I can stay in touch? Perhaps we could get together for coffee or lunch in the next few weeks."

When you practice the words aloud, you'll soon own them and will be able to say them spontaneously.

One of my own favorite greetings with people I know is

"Hi! What's new and good in your life today?" Notice

the focus is positive, and almost everyone has something "new and good" to share.

2. Follow these basic rules of improv theater:

a. "Yes, and." Whatever a person says to you is an "offer." Accept all offers. Don't deny. Don't argue. Build on what you are given.

b. Stay in the moment. Be present. Pay attention. Don't

think ahead to what you're planning to say.

c. Cooperate and make the other(s) look good.

3. Bring high, positive energy to each encounter. Be rested and ready. Raise your positive feelings with any of these simple methods:

a. Smile. Your facial muscles will trigger positive events

in your brain. If you're feeling grumpy, "un-frown" yourself.

b. Take at least 5 deep breaths: Breath in fresh energy,

exhale stale energy. Deep breathing calms and centers you.

c. Think of a person you love or an uplifting experience.

d. Listen to favorite music that lifts your mood.

We have a "bio-field" of energy around us, and we transmit our emotional energy through movement and voice. Others feel this invisible energy, so make yours positive.

4. Follow up with people you want to stay connected to.

Send them a hand-written note, or email them a reference of interest to them. Or phone them and invite them to lunch.

(FYI, only about 10% of people follow up with those they meet. If you do this, you will stand out from the crowd.)

If you're serious, avoid the vague " Maybe we can get together sometime."

Be specific: "I'll check my schedule for next week and phone you tomorrow to set the time and place, OK?"

Use such getting together to build trust as you get better acquainted, but NOT to pitch them with some sales offer.

That's it: Strong opening and closing lines.

"Yes, and . . ." improv approach.

Bring high, positive energy.

When you want more contact, follow-up.

Until next week,

Loren

P. S. If you like this issue, please share it with a friend. You can do this by using the "Forward this email to a friend" link.

Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.