Tip: Can You Say "No"?

You can only say yes as loud as you can say no. (If you are always agreeable and say "yes," your predictable agreeing means almost nothing .)

As the Daily Om publication recently wrote:

"Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives."

Being able to say "no" gives us the ability to choose. Often it is a pathway to personal freedom. If you agree to serve on every committee when asked, if you always buy the overpriced fundraising products from the school kids, if you take on projects at work when you don't possibly have time or resources to do them, you'll be overwhelmed.

Guilt is a huge factor and is embedded in the title of a classic book on assertiveness, "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by psychologist Manuel Smith. But you can eliminate th guilt feeling by owning a basic assertive right: "I have the right to say no."

Although sometimes it's best to be very clear (after all, "No" is a complete sentence), there are many less blunt ways to say no that don't create conflict or cause people to dislike you.

Here are a few of those:

--"I'd rather not." --"I'm sorry, that won't work for me."

--"Thanks, but I respectfully decline." --"No, sorry, I can't. Too many priorities."

I don't recommend that you lie or make up some excuse. When you're found out, you' ll be red-faced for having uttered something as lame as "The dog ate my homework."

Of course, there are many times when agreeing and saying "yes" are aligned with your best interests. Then you can say yes with enthusiasm. However, I recommend you create, borrow, and practice some honest ways to say "No" in a civil manner. Then you'll be ready for the inevitable opportunities that come your way.

Thank you for subscribing and reading this tip!

Until next week's tip,

Loren