This is my informal, non-scientific survey to learn what events in your area are devoted to quality conversation. Here are some examples of what I mean:

Please submit a brief description of any conversation events happening in your area of the world to me, loren@conversationmatters.com.

Great thanks for helping me with this survey!

"We often contradict an opinion for no other reason than that we do not like the tone in which it is expressed."

-Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1905, German philosopher

"I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarian and we're skeptical."

--Arthur C. Clarke, 1917 - 2008

Choose some people you really like but don't see often enough and make plans to see them regularly in the new year.

How many words are in the English language?

(Check your answer in number 8, below.)

"To be of use in this world is the only way to be happy."

--Hans Christian Andersen

"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."

-Vaclav Havel: poet, playwright, former President of the Czech Republic. Mr. Havel, leader of the "Velvet Revolution" that overthrew the communist regime in his country, died Sunday morning, Dec. 18, 2011.

How many words are in the English language?

a. Approx. 1,000,000 words (including scientific words)

b. There is no single sensible answer to this question.

c. 650-750,000 words

d. 1,010,649

You win! Three of the answers above are "pretty good." Answer d is probably the closest, and there is much to be said for answer b, the most thoughtful (but least interesting.) Answer a. is "ballpark" close.

Background for answer d: The number of words in the English language is: 1,010,649.7. This is the estimate by the Global Language Monitor on May 24, 2011.

The English Language passed the million word

threshold on June 10, 2009 at 10:22 a.m. (GMT). Currently there is a new word created every 98 minutes or about 14.7 words per day.

You guessed it! That one skill is high-quality listening.

Many people are poor listeners and don't know it, partly because they think conversation is mainly talking, partly because "even their best friends don't tell them." You could say that poor listening, like bad breath, is an "unconscious incompetence." You can't correct what you're not aware of.

Bad listening habits to be aware of

Good listening habits that make you exceptional

1. "Full duplex listening." Paying attention not only to the words spoken, but also to the nuances of voice, facial expression, body language. Being able to "read between the lines" for hidden meanings.

2. Being responsive by giving off indicators that you are involved and interested. "Hmmm, I see." "OK." "Tell me more."

3. Checking your perceptions as you are listening: "Do you mean to say that . . .?" "I sense you disapprove of my suggestion. Is that right?"

4. Solo-tasking, giving your whole attention to the speaker. Not looking around the room or glancing at your text messages, for example.

5. Being aware of your tendencies to argue with what you're hearing will help you avoid "reading in" what isn't said. We not only "see through a glass, darkly," but we also listen through our filters, sometimes starkly.

6. Having as your goal to understand what the person is saying so that you'll have an approximate duplicate of what they intend to convey.

Quality listening requires much more than being silent. It requires your mental effort to understand in combination with your expressive capacities to respond. Just as a dance partner must pick up the cues of the leader, a listener has to pick up the cues of the speaker.

Like any other skill, quality listening requires conscious practice. As you know, masters of any field continue to practice. Singers have coaches. Craftsmen apprentice for years to acquire their skills. Athletes train and get feedback on their performance. Even the great Pablo

Casals, arguably the greatest cellist of his time, continued to practice hours each day into his 90s.

That's why quality listening is in short supply. People practice how they are talking but very slightly on how they are listening.

If you make your one goal to be an excellent listener, I predict you'll double your impact as a conversationalist. With mindful practice you can accomplish this goal in a month or two, and that should be very cheery news!

Note: For those readers who missed this short video on listening by expert Julian Treasure, I recommend you give it your attention now. For those who already have seen it, it's worth a second look.

5 Ways to Listen Better

In our louder and louder world, says sound expert Julian Treasure, we are losing our listening. In this short, fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening -- to other people and the world around you.

To watch this short video, click link above.

Until next week,

Loren

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Loren Ekroth ©2011, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.