Huge Communication Fallacy: COIK

Sometimes people communicate as if the receiver already knows and understands. As a young man, I used to hunt pheasants in rural Wisconsin and occasionally found myself lost on a country road. I'd stop to ask directions from a local. "Can you please tell me how to get to Frederick from here?" "Sure. Go straight ahead until you come to the Brown's farm, then bear slightly west until where the old school house used to be. (It burned down about 15 years ago.) At that point head due north for about a quarter mile, and just before you reach the bridge, take the right fork in the road. That will take you to Frederick. You can't miss it." Huh? Now I was more confused than before. I was unfamiliar with those landmarks, but he spoke as if I already knew them. COIK means "Clear Only If (already) Known." Common examples of COIK occur when professionals "explain" to us lay people. You've probably received such communications from one or more of the following: engineers, medical doctors, attorneys, tech support people. They may use terms special to their profession that you don't understand. Another COIK situation occurs when a speaker of a language other than your own talks as if you were a native. Example: Although my Spanish is quite fluent, it is also rather rusty. I recently met a fellow from Venezuela, and when he phoned me and began chatting rapidly in Spanish, I asked him to slow down and speak clearly because I was missing key ideas. Solutions for COIK: If you are the sender, use terms as ordinary as possible, then check for understanding. If necessary, show a graphic like a chart or draw a picture. Adults may talk to a child using "big words" the child can't understand. Professors may talk to students with specialized words without defining them. If you are the receiver and don't understand what's said, ask to be told in a different way. "Can you give me an example?" will help. If you hesitate to ask because you don't want to "look dumb," you'll remain confused. Playwright and philosopher George Bernard Shaw captured this well when he wrote: "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." Until next week, Loren

Sometimes people communicate as if the receiver already knows and understands.

As a young man, I used to hunt pheasants in rural Wisconsin and occasionally found myself lost on a country road. I'd stop to ask directions from a local.

"Can you please tell me how to get to Frederick from here?"

"Sure. Go straight ahead until you come to the Brown's farm, then bear slightly west until where the old school house used to be. (It burned down about 15 years ago.) At that point head due north for about a quarter mile, and just before you reach the bridge, take the right fork in the road. That will take you to Frederick. You can't miss it."

Huh? Now I was more confused than before. I was unfamiliar with those landmarks, but he spoke as if I already knew them.

COIK means "Clear Only If (already) Known."

Common examples of COIK occur when professionals "explain" to us lay people. You've probably received such communications from one or more of the following: engineers, medical doctors, attorneys, tech support people. They may use terms special to their profession that you don't understand.

Another COIK situation occurs when a speaker of a language other than your own talks as if you were a native. Example: Although my Spanish is quite fluent, it is also rather rusty. I recently met a fellow from Venezuela, and when he phoned me and began chatting rapidly in Spanish, I asked him to slow down and speak clearly because I was missing key ideas.

Solutions for COIK:

If you are the sender, use terms as ordinary as possible, then check for understanding. If necessary, show a graphic like a chart or draw a picture. Adults may talk to a child using "big words" the child can't understand. Professors may talk to students with specialized words without defining them.

If you are the receiver and don't understand what's said, ask to be told in a different way. "Can you give me an example?" will help. If you hesitate to ask because you don't want to "look dumb," you'll remain confused.

Playwright and philosopher George Bernard Shaw captured this well when he wrote:

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

Until next week,

Loren

In my haste, I failed to include full information about my recent book recommendation, so I am clearing up that oversight now.

"A Year of Good Manners" by Margery Sinclair and Jan Polk, Artist. $27.95

AYOGM features 365 etiquette tips written by Margery Sinclair and a reason to use each one.

This perpetual calendar also features Jan Polk's Great

American Flower Collection (GAFC) "respect series" fine art watercolor paintings, images which are reminders to

treat yourself and others with respect. If you collect handwritings of family members on their birthdays and anniversaries, this beautiful, hardcover book becomes a treasured family heirloom and a way to pass your values to future generations.

Margery uses a humorous style to convey important

information that covers situations for family, school, business, and social life.

AYOGM may be purchased online at either website:

www.margerysinclair.com or www.janpolk.com

(Free shipping.)

Read 15 weeks of etiquette tips at www.ayearofgoodmanners.com

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.