Tip: The Pause that Refreshes

Before you say something you'll later regret, take a brief pause to think.

"And surely one of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid."

-- Jonathan Swift, 1667 - 1745

I'm guessing that all persons reading this tip have uttered words they later regretted. We can apologize, but we can't take back those words. It would have been better not to have said them at all.

Here's a solution: Train yourself to put a pause between your heated moment and what you say. Pausing before saying hateful words must become as automatic as looking in both directions before you cross a street.

The psychologist William James suggested counting to 10, which usually gives you time to think. Or sing to yourself a short tune like "Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream." Or mentally recite the Serenity Prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." These interventions give you time to think and also take your attention off the wicked words.

Also apply this intervention and consider the consequences before firing off an intemperate email. (Haven't we all done this, and more than once?)

Put in the wedge before those words, and you'll be glad you did.

Until next week,

Loren

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Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.