I titled the tip "The Pause that Refreshes," and I fear some subscribers may have thought I was pitching Coca-Cola. No. I was offering a method that gives you a chance to consider rude words before you say them. In retrospect, perhaps I should have titled the tip: "How to Prevent an Interpersonal Disaster!" Would that have gained more attention and more opens to my 1-minute tip?

Your thoughts?

Your comments uplift me. They really do, even when they're as brief as "Thank you."

For the first time in 10 years of publishing "Better Conversations," I am requesting those who have not yet sent me a comment to take a moment to do so. Hearing from you that you find practical value in my tips, nuggets, or articles buoys me up, gives me a sense that my efforts make a positive difference in your lives.

Would those of you who have yet sent a comment do so now? I'd appreciate that. You can do this in a few seconds. Send to loren@conversationmatters.com.

My thanks!

"The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world."

- Robert Orben

"Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "

--Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900) (This was quoted by Mark Twain in a lecture, and is still commonly misattributed to Twain.)

Which of the below has the longest life expectancy?

(Check your answer at the end of today's article)

From Greek: dia- meaning: apart, through

examples: dialysis, diameter, diagram, dialogue

Learning even a few dozen Greek and Latin roots

can increase your understanding of hundreds of English

words, especially for medical terminology.

(Most public libraries have books with these roots.)

"I don't ask for the meaning of the song of a bird or the rising of the sun on a misty morning. There they are, and they are beautiful." -- Pete Hamill

You all know people who --when you ask "How are you?" -- respond with a litany of troubles. (In fact, from time to time, some of you may "talk troubles" yourself, unlikely as that seems.)

The English language has a rich assortment of verbs to describe this all-too-common behavior, among them to complain, sound off, kvetch, crab, bellyache, gripe, grumble, croak, growl, grunt, remonstrate, find fault, mutter, and whine. However, I'll suggest reasons why most of the time you should avoid complaining.

4. Complainers attract other complainers and

take turns griping in their "pity parties." They

reinforce each other's views.

5. Complaining causes physical and mental stress. So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress like heart disease and hypertension, you become susceptible to other diseases because of a weakened immune system.

6. Chronic complainers live in a world of their own making. Those who insist "It's awful, there are no good jobs available," give up looking for work. Meanwhile, those who don't believe this look for and often find jobs.

However, there is also legitimate complaining. For example:

--Many of us become cranky and crabby when we're sick. "I feel awful, and I wish this damned pain would go away" is a complaint that may bring some emotional relief. It's different from this kind: "Those committee members are always trying to stab me in the back."

Also, some complaints seek to improve a situation and get results. Examples:

A plumber fixes your tank, charges you a lot, and departs. But it doesn't function. You complain and ask him to return and so the job right.

You buy a piece of equipment, but it doesn't work as advertised. You complain to the seller and get a replacement.

When others violate rules or laws governing their conduct, you can file a complaint to set things right. Your neighbor trespasses on your property? You can make a legal complaint. Not being paid for your overtime work? In most jurisdictions, you can bring your complaint.

The difference? Some complaining is useless. You can complain about the weather, or how certain people don't meet your expectations, or how inflation keeps going up. Over these matters, you have no influence.

It's best not to drown out what's good in your life by complaining.

"You can never get to peace and inner security without first acknowledging all of the good things in your life."

-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

(A good resource: For methods on how to turn complaints into opportunities, check this book by Jon Gordon: "The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work.")

Until next week,

Loren

Which of these has the longest life expectancy?

Correct answer: Monaco, 90 years

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.