Since beginning "Better Conversations in 2002 and publishing over 800 published newsletters and tips, I've received hundreds of comments from readers that a conversation technique I described had improved their lives. During those 10 years, I did not file the comments for future use. Now I'd like to collect from you any technique or skill that made a big difference in your life.

Please send to me, loren@conversationmatters.com and I will compile and publish the top ones in futures newsletters. We can all learn from your experience. Great thanks! Loren

"A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." -- Lisa Kirk

"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

--Paul Fix, actor

In high school I was a C+ student in physics class. However, I could get the gist of the theory of relativity through this short video. (and so can you.)

http://tinyurl.com/86kfsk9

(Einstein's special theory of relativity)

greg (Latin): to herd or gather

Examples of English words: GREGarious (loves to be among people) conGREGate (to gather together); seGREGate (to separate from the flock)

Note: A number of subscribers wrote that they liked this new feature. The reason I replaced the "Word-a-Week" feature with "roots" is that you can figure out the meaning of many English words once you understand their roots.

"Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them." -- Orison Swett Marden

Although talking with others is natural, in certain situations it takes courage to converse. In this article I'll describe some common reasons for these fears and suggest ways to find the required courage.

1. Concerns about appearing ignorant. You may "clam up" when talking to persons more knowledgeable than yourself because you don't want to reveal how little you know.

One effective way to handle this is to admit not knowing and to be a learner willing to ask questions of the other(s). Peter Drucker, the most esteemed management consultant of the 20th century, wrote "My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions." You can be comfortable talking to very smart people if you are willing to learn from them.

2. Touchy topics. One writer termed this concern as "off-the-table-itis," a social infection that prevents people from bringing up matters that might cause discomfort or conflict.

Many personal relationships struggle with this fear. For example, common "touchy topics" in marriages are money, in-laws, and sex.

One way to reduce your fears so you can talk about an avoided topic are to seek help from a trained counselor or mediator whose presence and skills provide safety. Another way is to agree upon a place and time to talk about an avoided topic with civility and privacy. This allows you time to reflect upon an issue and prepare your thoughts in advance of your talk.

3. Conversing with the rich, famous, or powerful can be daunting. The same when talking with exceptionally beautiful or handsome people. Many folks report feeling tongue-tied and were afraid of saying something stupid. The hesitation almost always stems from self-consciousness, the preoccupation of how you will be seen by the "special other."

If you take your focus off yourself ("How am I doing?") and put it on the other person, and if you think of this as a wonderful opportunity to talk with an unusual person, much of your awkwardness will melt away.

Ultimately, conversation confidence rests upon skills. The greater your level of conversation skills, the more confident you'll be when talking to a variety of people in many different situations. The term for this is "self-efficacy," knowing you can do something because you've done it before.

Until next week,

Loren

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.