When conversing, don't undermine your statements by leading with disclaimers. For example, "This may seem dumb, but...." or "I don't know if you agree with me, but..." or "What I want to ask will probably seem stupid . . ." When people habitually use such disclaimers, they are usually trying to pre-empt disagreement or conflict. Their unspoken message is "I hope you won't dislike me for saying this." Alas, such disclaimers will more likely attract disagreement: "You're right. What you said IS dumb, and here's why." It's better to claim (assert) rather than disclaim. If you're anxious and uncertain, you're better off saying nothing than negating your statement or apologizing in advance.

For example, "This may seem dumb, but...." or "I don't know if you agree with me, but..." or "What I want to ask will probably seem stupid . . ."

When people habitually use such disclaimers, they are usually trying to pre-empt disagreement or conflict. Their unspoken message is "I hope you won't dislike me for saying this." Alas, such disclaimers will more likely attract disagreement: "You're right. What you said IS dumb, and here's why."

It's better to claim (assert) rather than disclaim. If you're anxious and uncertain, you're better off saying nothing than negating your statement or apologizing in advance.

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Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.