Tip: Consider the best time to converse with someone.

I've known people who are grumpy in the morning until they've had their coffee and danish. Trying to have a lively chat with them before 10 doesn't work. When I've had a long, busy day and feel exhausted, I don't like to talk about complicated matters. I'm alert and thoughtful during daytime meetings, but I dislike evening meetings when I'm at a low ebb. Instead, I prefer to "veg" a little, maybe watch a movie, or have a quiet dinner with a friend. Timing matters. Example: Try to insert an important phone conversation into an associate's busy Monday morning. That's unlikely to be effective. How about asking "When would be a good time for you to talk?" and calling back at that time. Sometimes people rush to "talk it over" when they're exasperated or furious. (Actually, they don't want a two-way conversation to reconcile a situation. They want a chance to "blamestorm.") Later, they may regret some words they can't take back. They can't un-ring that bell. The better course? To slow down and think it over so they can at least be civil, even while upset. If you want to resolve a disagreement with a person, it's better to let them know your concern in advance and arrange a good time to talk it over. If you spring the matter on them when they don't expect it, they'll probably feel "blind-sided" and defensive. Then they can't hear you. When is the "best time" to talk about issues such as these? "Time" can connote not only hour of the day, but also the occasion, such as "When we get together at Thanksgiving" or "at Jim's birthday party." Festive occasions are often inappropriate for bringing up difficult issues. Is there a best time to talk about the following touchy topics? Or only a better time? "I'm filing for divorce." "Mom and Dad, I'm gay." "Judy, I lost our savings in a poker game." There may never be a perfect time to talk about such sensitive matters, but some times are better than others. Think about the "when" of your conversation. You need a "good time" and also enough time. Don't try to shoe-horn a difficult conversation into a short time. Allow the unexpected. Often the "when" is just as important as the "what." (And, for topics that could be really explosive, it's sometimes helpful to talk them through with the help of a trusted counselor or religious figure who can add steadiness and civility to these crucial conversations.)

I've known people who are grumpy in the morning until they've had their coffee and danish. Trying to have a lively chat with them before 10 doesn't work.

When I've had a long, busy day and feel exhausted, I don't like to talk about complicated matters. I'm alert and thoughtful during daytime meetings, but I dislike evening meetings when I'm at a low ebb. Instead, I prefer to "veg" a little, maybe watch a movie, or have a quiet dinner with a friend.

Timing matters. Example: Try to insert an important phone conversation into an associate's busy Monday morning. That's unlikely to be effective. How about asking "When would be a good time for you to talk?" and calling back at that time.

Sometimes people rush to "talk it over" when they're exasperated or furious. (Actually, they don't want a two-way conversation to reconcile a situation. They want a chance to "blamestorm.") Later, they may regret some words they can't take back. They can't un-ring that bell. The better course? To slow down and think it over so they can at least be civil, even while upset.

If you want to resolve a disagreement with a person, it's better to let them know your concern in advance and arrange a good time to talk it over. If you spring the matter on them when they don't expect it, they'll probably feel "blind-sided" and defensive. Then they can't hear you.

When is the "best time" to talk about issues such as these? "Time" can connote not only hour of the day, but also the occasion, such as "When we get together at Thanksgiving" or "at Jim's birthday party." Festive occasions are often inappropriate for bringing up difficult issues.

Is there a best time to talk about the following touchy topics? Or only a better time?

"I'm filing for divorce." "Mom and Dad, I'm gay." "Judy, I lost our savings in a poker game."

There may never be a perfect time to talk about such sensitive matters, but some times are better than others. Think about the "when" of your conversation. You need a "good time" and also enough time. Don't try to shoe-horn a difficult conversation into a short time. Allow the unexpected.

Often the "when" is just as important as the "what." (And, for topics that could be really explosive, it's sometimes helpful to talk them through with the help of a trusted counselor or religious figure who can add steadiness and civility to these crucial conversations.)

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Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.