Over many years, I've received complaints from subscribers about people who talk too much and dominate the conversation. Eventually, everyone starts to politely withdraw in disgust.

I'd be surprised if you didn't know at least a few of these folks. Why do they talk so much? Main reasons: 1. They are unaware that they talk too much, thus can't change. 2. Occupational habits. People who make their living by talking often talk too much. Examples: some salespeople, professors, seminar leaders, clergy, attorneys. 3. Self-identity. "It's just the way I am. I've always been this way." 4. They're competitive and think they're winning when they talk more than you. They want to get the last word. 5. They're compulsive talkers who don't feel worthy and are trying to avoid their anxiety. They can benefit from professional help. Are you sure about how much you talk? Here are ways to find out: 1. Ask a few friends. "Sometimes I think I talk too much. Do you think so?" 2. If you are hesitant to ask friends directly, you could use an anonymous method called "360 degree feedback." How? Make a list of 10 people you know, both genders with email contact addresses. Ask a friend to randomly pick 5 of them and email those 5 saying "X asked me to ask you, confidentially, if s/he talks too much. Do you think so? Yes or no? I'll report the anonymous results to X. Your feedback will be helpful to X. Many thanks." 3. Measure yourself by paying attention when conversing: Approximately 75% or more? Too much. Aim toward 60-40 or 50-50. With awareness, you can begin to moderate your talking. (Without awareness, no change is possible.) In a future nugget, I'll suggest some ways to change. Until next week, Loren

I'd be surprised if you didn't know at least a few of these folks.

Why do they talk so much? Main reasons:

1. They are unaware that they talk too much, thus can't change.

2. Occupational habits. People who make their living by talking often talk too much. Examples: some salespeople, professors, seminar leaders, clergy, attorneys.

3. Self-identity. "It's just the way I am. I've always been this way."

4. They're competitive and think they're winning when they talk more than you. They want to get the last word.

5. They're compulsive talkers who don't feel worthy and are trying to avoid their anxiety. They can benefit from professional help.

Are you sure about how much you talk? Here are ways to find out:

1. Ask a few friends. "Sometimes I think I talk too much. Do you think so?"

2. If you are hesitant to ask friends directly, you could use an anonymous method called "360 degree feedback." How? Make a list of 10 people you know, both genders with email contact addresses. Ask a friend to randomly pick 5 of them and email those 5 saying "X asked me to ask you, confidentially, if s/he talks too much. Do you think so? Yes or no? I'll report the anonymous results to X. Your feedback will be helpful to X. Many thanks."

3. Measure yourself by paying attention when conversing: Approximately 75% or more? Too much. Aim toward 60-40 or 50-50.

With awareness, you can begin to moderate your talking. (Without awareness, no change is possible.) In a future nugget, I'll suggest some ways to change.

Until next week,

Loren

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Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.