It's a sign of emotional maturity to be able to accept compliments gracefully. However, I've found it's a skill that is not always learned when growing up. For various cultural reasons, some families think that complimenting their children will make them prideful and "give them a big head." So even if a child excels in some activity like sports or academics, parents don't give a compliment on a job well done. As a result, those children don't learn to be comfortable receiving compliments. (For example, Finnish-speaking people tend to be reserved about complimenting others while Italians are effusive.) When someone gives you a genuine compliment, say something like "Thank you very much," or "I appreciate your saying that." Such a response is complementary (completes the exchange) to the compliment (praise.) Even if someone gives you a less-than-genuine compliment (flattery), you can still be gracious and say "Thank you." Don't challenge the person by saying "You don't really mean that, do you?"

It's a sign of emotional maturity to be able to accept compliments gracefully. However, I've found it's a skill that is not always learned when growing up. For various cultural reasons, some families think that complimenting their children will make them prideful and "give them a big head." So even if a child excels in some activity like sports or academics, parents don't give a compliment on a job well done. As a result, those children don't learn to be comfortable receiving compliments.

(For example, Finnish-speaking people tend to be reserved about complimenting others while Italians are effusive.)

When someone gives you a genuine compliment, say something like "Thank you very much," or "I appreciate your saying that." Such a response is complementary (completes the exchange) to the compliment (praise.)

Even if someone gives you a less-than-genuine compliment (flattery), you can still be gracious and say "Thank you." Don't challenge the person by saying "You don't really mean that, do you?"

Just above the header "Better Conversations Newsletter" at the top of this issue, you'll see icons for Facebook and Twitter. Clicking on those will take you to your Facebook or Twitter page. The link to this issue will also appear. You can add a comment and post it so your friends can access this newsletter.

Beginning today, October 2, I'll be offline for a week to attend a nephew's wedding in Hawaii. Since 2002 I have published newsletters every week without exception, even from distant lands like Guatemala and Nicaragua. It's time for a break.

I'm disconnecting for about 10 days. I won't be, like this book title suggests, "Always On." No phone calls, no email. I'll walk and swim with my son Aaron at Kailua beach, play cribbage with family members, dine on "local" food with old friends, and enjoy all the wedding festivities on the island of Oahu where I lived for 30 years.

Until we meet again, aloha nui loa.

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.