"No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude." --Alfred North Whitehead, 1861 - 1947

Many of my past articles and tips are now archived. You can access them from a link on the left side of the screen on my website, www.conversationmatters.com. You may republish these copyrighted articles with my permission as long as you attribute them to me, Dr. Loren Ekroth, www.conversationmatters.com

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

But it's still on my list."

"Since light travels faster than sound, some people

appear bright until you hear them speak."

Is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; it is frequently humorous. (Like the 3 examples in Jest Words, above.) This is a fancy word that denotes a rather common language device. Comedian Groucho Marx was a master of this form, as you notice in his famous quote: "I've had a wonderful time. But this wasn't it."

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"I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are right now." -- Virginia Satir

When you acknowledge someone in conversation you are indicating to them that you are really listening to what they are saying. You are signaling that you "got" their message.

At a minimum, you can acknowledge by nodding, or by simply saying "uh-huh" or "OK." (Or even "I got it.")

To demonstrate that you not only received their message but also understood it correctly, you can paraphrase what they said and check for accuracy. You can begin your response with a phrase such as:

* What you're saying is . . . .

* What you're telling me is that . . . .

* In other words . . . .

* Let me give that back to you so I can make sure I got it.

(This process is referred to as "active listening.")

Now, this point is important: When you acknowledge a message, you are only indicating you received it, not that you are agreeing with it.

(Some people avoid acknowledging what others say because they don't agree.)

Benefits of acknowledging others:

A few days ago, I gave a birthday gift to a friend. She acknowledged the gift by saying "Thank you, that is very thoughtful of you." She looked at the gift, liked it, and told me so. (Another acknowledgement.) We both enjoyed the moment. And no doubt I will "gift" her birthdays in the future.

When my messages or gifts are not acknowledged over time, I generally cease offering them. For example, when I attend professional meetings,

someone may ask me to send them a special report I've completed. So I make a note to do that, and then I send it. However, 50% of the time I receive no acknowledgement. Nothing at all. Then, after a few such experiences with that person, I stop sharing with them. They have violated "the law of acknowledgement" by not responding with even "I got it. Thank you."

A most powerful social acknowledgement I've learned about is one from Central and East Africa where various Bantu languages are spoken. When two acquaintances meet in passing, one says "I see you." The other responds by saying "I am here." Such messages are tremendously validating for both persons. "I see you" grants being to the person, and "I am here" confirms that.

Finally, I repeat. To acknowledge doesn't mean you agree, but only that you "got it." It shows you are listening, and it validates others.

Use it regularly.

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.