"Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him." -- Virginia Satir

On November 11, the U. S. celebrates this

holiday to honor its military veterans.

Thank a veteran on Sunday, Nov, 11.

"I'm only responsible for what I say, not what you understand."

Explore some big, provocative ideas delivered

in short chunks. I love this free resource.

www.bigthink.com

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow where they lead." --Louisa May Alcott

1. Learn from the Best Models

If you are fortunate, you grew up with parents who were excellent conversationalists. Like all children, you learned by mimicking their

ways of talking. Then, as you grew older, you sometimes copied the manners of friends, or of "stars" from movies, music, or sports.

To master the art of conversation, emulate those who are the best.

As a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, I had the privilege of being a teaching assistant to Professor Donald K. Smith when he

became Vice President for Academic Affairs.

Despite his demanding schedule in administration, he insisted on teaching a sophomore class in interpersonal communication, and I was able to observe him teach by asking provocative questions and the students thinking together toward the best answers. Very Socratic. A great model.

Along the way of life, I've had other master models and underwent an apprenticeship by observation.

I recommend you do the same. Find good models. Emulate the Best.

2. Learn a Second Language

Learning a language other than your own provides many benefits, such as becoming sensitive to the nuances of meaning that words can convey. When you learn another language, even at a basic level,

you'll come to know your native language better.

As well, you'll be able to converse with speakers of your acquired language and become aware of differences in the culture of its speakers. You'll most likely become more adaptable to differences within your own culture.

I have been fortunate to live and work in other countries such as Italy and Colombia, and through interest and effort, I acquired moderate fluency in Italian and Spanish. As a result, my fluency and flexibility in American English increased.

Note: Audio courses such as Rosetta Stone and Pimsleur allow you to learn a second language

without traveling. Check your public library.

3. Practice with Good Conversationalists

You get to mastery in any art through steady practice. (Malcolm Gladwell suggests the "10,000 hour rule" for mastery in his book, "Outliers.")

Where to practice, and with whom? For group conversation, book clubs, study and interest groups of all kinds, small seminars, certain clubs.

For one-to-one conversations, invite interesting persons to coffee or lunch. If you're a runner, partner with someone good to talk with along the way. And, of course, choose as your friends people you enjoy talking with.

As in the old joke where a young man asks for directions from an elder:

"Sir, can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?"

The answer is always the same: "Practice, Sonny, Practice."

4. Take risks beyond your comfort zone

Mastering conversation includes taking some risks, such as talking with people who are smarter than you, richer than you, more fluent than you. With such people you might feel a little awkward. (I often felt nervous around the rich and famous, and still do . . .but much less now than then.)

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment." So wrote philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson. Good counsel, that.

Take a chance. Try something new. Just show up.

"If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor." --Neil Simon, playwright

5. Grab Some Stage Time

Opportunities abound to be on stage and on the platform. Such as

--Playing a role in an amateur production teaches presence

--Taking a workshop in improv comedy increases spontaneity.

--Participating in Toastmasters builds public speaking skills.

Any of these activities help you build both communication confidence and competence.

6. Use -- actually read -- a good current dictionary.

As you increase your vocabulary, you'll be able to use words with more precision. So make the dictionary your friend and helper. (If you feel uneasy around a big dictionary, you can find "how-to-use" information online, and you can access good dictionaries like Merriam-Webster online.)

"Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them." -Nathaniel Hawthorne, writer (1804-1864)

Be like the great entertainer Eddie Cantor (1892-1964) who famously said "Words fascinate me. For me, browsing in a dictionary is like being turned loose in a bank."

7. Read Widely

By reading good writing, you'll learn new words, new ideas, new facts, many of which you can use in conversation. Subway recommends its

sandwiches with the "Eat Fresh" slogan.

I recommend wide reading so you can "Stay Fresh" with your ideas. Read history, self-help, novels,

quality magazines, and more. Variety is best.

And what a bargain! Your public library offers you FREE reading materials.

Finally, you can start (or continue) with any of these seven pathways. If possible, try one you haven't yet explored. You don't have to take

a big step. You can start small, such as learning one new word each day, or volunteering to present the announcements at your church or

club. Taking one small step at a time follows what the Japanese call the Kaizen method.

Kaizen works.

Let it work for you.

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.