Please pass on "Better Conversations" to those in your network.I am grateful for your help to make the world a better placethrough better, more civil and meaningful conversation.

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thought nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together,certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away."

Anonymous, Shoshone

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown, new illustrated edition, 2012

"First published in 1970, this extraordinary book changed the way Americans think about the original inhabitants of their country. Beginning with the Long Walk of the Navajos in 1860 and ending 30 years later with the massacre of Sioux men, women, and children at Wounded Knee in South Dakota, it tells how the American Indians lost their land and lives to a dynamically expanding white society."

4.  Native American "loan words"

U.S. English words with Native American Origins

moose, from the Eastern Abenaki "mos"akamai (clever, smart.) from Hawaiian pidgin

akamai (clever, smart.) from Hawaiian pidgin

akamai (clever, smart.) from Hawaiian pidgin

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing." -- John Muir

Each year, November is Native American Heritage Month. Today'sissue honors that month on itsfinal day.

The Library of Congress, National Archives and Records Administration, National Endowment for the Humanities, National Gallery of Art, National Park Service, Smithsonian Institution and United States Holocaust Memorial Museum join in paying tribute to the rich ancestry and traditions of Native Americans.

Most Europeans who came to America thought that its indigigenouspeople, whom they labeled "savages," didn't have much to offer the white man. They were profoundly wrong.

Here are a few things the newcomers could have learned from theNative Americans regarding communication.

"Silence was meaningful with the Lakota, and his granting a space of silence before talking was done in the practice of true politenessand regardful of the rule that 'thought comes before speech.'

And in the midst of sorrow, sickness, death, or misfortune of any kind,and in the presence of the notable and the great, silence was the mark

of respect. More powerful than words was silence with the Lakota."

"No one was quick with a question, no matter how important, and on one was pressed for an answer. A pause giving time for thought wasthe truly courteous way of beginning and conducting a conversation."

--Chief Luther Standing Bear, Teton Sioux

2. Careful and sparing use of words

"It does not require many words to speak the truth."

--Chief Joseph, Nez Perce

3. One's spoken word is one's bond.

"Many of the white man's ways are past our understanding . . .They put a great store upon writing; there is always a paper.

The white people must think paper has some mysterious power to help them in the world. The Indian needs no writings; words that are true sink deep into his heart, where they remain. He never forgets them.On the other hand, if the white man loses his papers, he is helpless."

--Four Guns, Oglala Sioux

4. The Way of Council

"Where I sit is Holy.

Holy is the Ground

Forest, mountains, rivers

Listen to the Sound

Great Spirit Circling

All around me."

--Native American Chant

Tribesmen met regularly in a circle, and no subject was out of bounds.They followed the ancient tradition of the "Talking Stick" or "Prayer Stick" and recognize that whoever is holding the sacred stick hasthe floor and has a sacred duty to tell the truth. Others listen withoutjudgment or interruption. It is up to the speakers to ask for input ifthey want it. From time to time, "Council" accommodates periods of silent reflection with no words spoken.

5.Ho'oponopono, ancient Hawaiian group practice of forgiveness and reconciliation. (Also practiced in other Polynesian cultures.)

Literally, "to set right again." In application, it is a process of mentalcleansing through family conferences, usually led by a respectedelder and accomplished through prayer (pule), discussion, confession, repentance, mutual restitution and forgiveness.

Author's note: When I practiced family therapy in Honolulu, I learnedand applied the processes of ho'oponopono with excellent results with

non-Hawaiian clients. It was also widely used by social workers in Hawaii. For any reader wishing to learn more, consult the excellentbook by Victoria Shook, "Shook: Ho'oponopono," available atAmazon.com.

Much more communication wisdom is available from the Native American cultures, such as the use of non-verbal symbols tocommunicate significant meanings. That essay must wait untila later time.

Loren Ekroth �2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com