To evoke deeper and more meaningful conversations, just ask a much better question. Here's a question that really works: "What was a major turning point in your life, and how did it change you?" (Preferably, this is a turning point others don't already know about. Also, a life-changing event that is not too private to be made public.) Examples: Meeting a very special person. Receiving some unexpected news, good or bad. Being fired from a job. Good financial luck like inheriting money or winning a lottery. Having an intuitive stroke of genius, an "Ah-hah insight."Seeing an unusual opportunity and seizing it. Reading a book that changed you deeply. A piece of wise advice a mentor gave you. An unusual favor a person granted to you. A time you struggled with a serious illness. The task of each person in the group (or pair) is to describe their "turning point" thoughtfully in a few minutes. The responsibility of the listener(s) is to listen intently without interrupting or mentally rehearsing what they intend to say when it's their turn. If you have time, you can allow participants to comment on what others have shared. Why is this particular question better? Much of the time, folks at social gatherings talk about "external" topics instead of personal ones. External topics include current events, other people (gossip), movies and books, restaurants they've tried, shopping, and matters like that. Personal topics, especially high and low turning points of one's life, have much more "juice" in them because they describe life experiences and because they are unrehearsed responses to this one question. External topics include lots of "head" but very little "heart." With gatherings of friends where there is a level of trust and good will, the question is appropriate; with gatherings of strangers, less appropriate. Here is a very touching, related story: http://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_brencher_love_letters_to_strangers.html Amazing what a supportive, loving letter to a stranger can achieve. Some of you readers might consider doing this.

Here's a question that really works: "What was a major turning point in your life, and how did it change you?" (Preferably, this is a turning point others don't already know about. Also, a life-changing event that is not too private to be made public.) Examples: Meeting a very special person. Receiving some unexpected news, good or bad. Being fired from a job. Good financial luck like inheriting money or winning a lottery. Having an intuitive stroke of genius, an "Ah-hah insight."Seeing an unusual opportunity and seizing it. Reading a book that changed you deeply. A piece of wise advice a mentor gave you. An unusual favor a person granted to you. A time you struggled with a serious illness. The task of each person in the group (or pair) is to describe their "turning point" thoughtfully in a few minutes. The responsibility of the listener(s) is to listen intently without interrupting or mentally rehearsing what they intend to say when it's their turn. If you have time, you can allow participants to comment on what others have shared. Why is this particular question better? Much of the time, folks at social gatherings talk about "external" topics instead of personal ones. External topics include current events, other people (gossip), movies and books, restaurants they've tried, shopping, and matters like that. Personal topics, especially high and low turning points of one's life, have much more "juice" in them because they describe life experiences and because they are unrehearsed responses to this one question. External topics include lots of "head" but very little "heart." With gatherings of friends where there is a level of trust and good will, the question is appropriate; with gatherings of strangers, less appropriate. Here is a very touching, related story: http://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_brencher_love_letters_to_strangers.html Amazing what a supportive, loving letter to a stranger can achieve. Some of you readers might consider doing this.

Here's a question that really works:

"What was a major turning point in your life, and how did it change you?"

(Preferably, this is a turning point others don't already know about. Also,

a life-changing event that is not too private to be made public.)

Examples:

The task of each person in the group (or pair) is to describe

their "turning point" thoughtfully in a few minutes. The responsibility

of the listener(s) is to listen intently without interrupting or mentally rehearsing what they intend to say when it's their turn.

If you have time, you can allow participants to comment on what others have shared.

Why is this particular question better?

Much of the time, folks at social gatherings talk about "external"

topics instead of personal ones. External topics include current

events, other people (gossip), movies and books, restaurants

they've tried, shopping, and matters like that.

Personal topics, especially high and low turning points of one's life, have

much more "juice" in them because they describe life experiences

and because they are unrehearsed responses to this one question.

External topics include lots of "head" but very little "heart."

With gatherings of friends where there is a level of trust and good will, the question is appropriate; with gatherings of strangers, less appropriate.

Here is a very touching, related story:

http://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_brencher_love_letters_to_strangers.html

Amazing what a supportive, loving letter to a stranger can achieve.

Some of you readers might consider doing this.

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.