We all encounter people whose views, beliefs, or opinions are different from our own.

If we talk about those differences, how can we handle them so we don't hurt feelings or damage the relationship?

Should we gratify our egos and insist we are right? Doing so implies the other persons must be wrong. But right-wrong tactics create collisions and hurt feelings.

You can side-step collisions by being more flexible and diplomatic.

Here's how: Use an introductory phrase that allows for differences of opinion. Such as

"My understanding is that . . ."

"From my point of view, it seems like . . ."

"I don't have all the facts, but so far I've come to understand that. . ."

"My belief about X is . . ."

Then follows your opinion or belief:

"Candidate D will make a better senator than G."

"The best restaurant in town is Andre's."

"For many, a college education is not a good investment."

"Meditation is a better spiritual practice than prayer."

At its best, diplomatic talk acknowledges differences while preservingthe relationships. It seeks to avoid confrontations and reach agreements while also learning what others think. (Sometimes people even change their minds.)

Ancient wisdom from the East captures the value of being flexible and open-minded when we differ with others:

"The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists."

--Japanese proverb.

"When the things and plants are alive, they are FLEXIBLE and soft; when they are dead, they become fragile and dried, because RIGIDITY and hardness are deathmates." --Chinese proverb

Loren Ekroth �2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication anda national expert on conversation for business and social life.

Contact atLoren@conversationmatters.com