"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to."

--Dorothy Parker, author

"If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor." --Neil Simon, playwright

Meaning: The evolution of two or more interdependent species, each adapting to changes in the other. It occurs, for example, between predators and prey and between insects and the flowers that they pollinate.

Example: "Coevolution is often seen in a number of species of flowering plants that coevolved with specific pollinators like insects.. The pollinator gets a reward such as nectar for pollinating the plant."

Because you value the practical ideas in the "Better Conversations" newsletters, please recommend them to your friends and co-workers with a note. (You can do so by forwarding this newsletter or by using the "Recommend to a Friend" button.)

By sharing a valued resource with someone you know, you'll offer them practical ideas, and you'll be participating in a "Renaissance of Conversation" around the world.

Personal note: I've learned that when I share valuable resources with others, they often reciprocate and share good resources with me. "What goes around, comes around."

If you want to gently poke fun at a blowhard, try Latin:

Lingua factiosi, inertes opera.

Translation: "All talk, no action."

(It's unlikely that your target will understand. But you'll feel better.)

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." --Howard Thurman, theologian, interfaith minister

Pollinate definition: To transfer pollen from a stamen to a pistil; fertilization in flowering plants.

Pollination helps both co-(mutually) evolve.

Without bees and butterflies, no pollination. Without pollination, no flowering, no honey or corn.

Network definition: To meet people who might be useful to know, especially in your job.

Many business and professional meetings set aside a time for "networking" during which attendees chat and exchange business cards.

Pollination adds some of value to both participants. The pollinator gets a reward such as nectar for pollinating the plant.

An example by George Bernard Shaw of humans "pollinating each other."

"If I give you an apple and you give me an apple, we both have an apple. But if I give you an idea and you give me an idea, we both have 2 ideas."

Both prosper by gaining a new idea.

However, for such human pollination to work, both must be receptive to the transaction. Also, people who interact only with those with the same ideas do not grow.

However, when those interacting are diverse, both can gain. For example, an artist and an engineer, a realtor and a teacher, a Catholic and a Jew.

(Two practical applications of "cross-fertilization" occur in small Mastermind groups composed of a mix of people supporting one another and in "Knowledge Cafes" where participants periodically move to other tables to share what they've learned.)

My late friend Anne Boe, co-author of "Is Your Net Working?", was clear that participants should "give without an expectation that doing so will reap an immediate reward." Instead, she recommended that you give because it's the right thing to do.

Some ways to "pollinate" include 1) sharing useful ideas; 2) validating others; expressing enthusiasm; making introductions.

As psychologist Robert Cialdini described in his classic book, "Influence," the principle of reciprocity is powerful. When we give a gift, compliment a person, or do them a favor, the receiver usually feels a need to reciprocate, if not immediately, then later on.

In today's article I drew upon nature, mainly biology, to find a new paradigm for relating to others. In short, it is this: When we do more than connect, when we add something that gives more vitality to those we connect with, everybody gains, everybody wins.

Loren Ekroth ©2012, all rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life.